Lord Chesterfield having been long very earnestly solicited for his interest in favour of a clergyman who wanted preferment, at length presented his suitor with an engraved portrait of his head. The parson thanked him, and after some time had elapsed, told him that though he did not as formerly attend his levee every day, he regularly paid his court to his portrait. “And pray,” said the sarcastic peer, “have you got any thing of it?” “No, my Lord,” replied he, “it has too strong a resemblance to the original for that.” A PUSH AT A PRIME MINISTER. The Duke of Newcastle, when prime minister, once told the author of Tristram Shandy, that men of wit were not fit to be employed, being incapable of business. “They are not incapable of business, my Lord, but above it,” replied Sterne; “a sprightly generous horse is able to carry a pack-saddle as well as an ass, but he is too good to be put to the drudgery.” FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS. “I really can’t sing, believe me, sir,” was the reply of a young lady to the repeated requests of an empty fop. “I am rather inclined to believe, madam,” rejoined he, with a smirk, “that you are fishing for compliments.” “No, sir,” exclaimed the lady, “I never fish in so shallow a stream.” GENEROSITY. An old farmer, on paying his rent, told his landlord he wanted some timber to build a house, and would be much obliged to him if he would give him permission to cut down what would answer the purpose. The landlord answered peremptorily, “No.” “Why, then, sir, will you give me enough to build a barn?” “No.” “To make a gate then?” “Yes.” “That is all I wanted,” said the farmer, “and more than I expected.” SCEPTICISM. A person speaking of the tenacity of life in turtles, asserted that he had seen one which had its head cut off, open its jaws six weeks afterwards. The company seeming rather sceptical, he said, “I saw it, and I trust none of you will doubt my word.” Then turning to one gentleman he asked what he thought. The other asked him--“Sir, if you had not seen the circumstance yourself, could you have believed it?” “Indeed,” said he, “I could not.” “Then I hope you will excuse me if I do not believe it.” KEEPING THE COMMANDMENTS. A gentleman shewing his friend a collection of curious pictures in his gallery, on the other praising them all very much, he gave him a choice of any one of them as a present. The stranger fixed on a tablet in which the ten commandments were written in letters of gold. “You must excuse me there,” replied the gentleman, “those I am bound to keep.” HALF A KINDNESS. A Catholic priest, a pious and yet a facetious man, was requested by a lady for permission to wear rouge. The lady’s character was half coquettish and half devotee. “I can give you permission, madam,” replied the bishop, “only for one cheek.” PAINTING AND WHITEWASHING.