At a dinner party at the Duke of Ormond’s in 1715, Sir William Wyndham, in a jocular dispute about short prayers, told the company, among whom was Bishop Atterbury, that the shortest prayer he had ever heard, was that of a common soldier, just before the battle of Blenheim:--“O God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul!” This was followed by a general laugh. Atterbury seemed to join in the conversation, and, applying himself to Sir William Wyndham, said, “Your prayer, Sir William, is indeed very short; but I remember another as short, and much better, offered up likewise by a poor soldier, in the same circumstances:--‘O God, if in the day of battle I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me!’” [A Highlander offered up a prayer almost as laconic as either of the above two, just before fighting for the Old Chevalier, at the battle of Sheriffmuir. He said, “Oh Lord, be Thou for us; but if Thou be not for us be not against us, but leave it between the _red coats_ (the king’s soldiers) _and us_.”] THREE USES OF ONE WORD. A person, who lived in constant fear of the bailiffs, having absconded, one of his acquaintances was asked, what was the reason of his absence? to which he replied, “Why, sir, I _apprehend_ he was _apprehensive_ of being _apprehended_.” COUNTENANCE AT AN ELECTION. When Mr. Charles York was returned a member for the University of Cambridge, about the year 1770, he went round the Senate to thank those who had voted for him. Among the number was a Mr. P., who was proverbial for having the largest and most hideous physiognomy that ever eye beheld. Mr. York, in thanking him, said, “Sir, I have great reason to be thankful to my friends in general, but confess myself under a particular obligation to you, for the very remarkable _countenance_ you have shewn me upon this occasion.” AMIABLE COMPASSION. Theodore Hook being told of the marriage of a political opponent, exclaimed, “I am very glad, indeed, to hear it.” Then suddenly added, with a feeling of compassionate forgiveness, “And yet I don’t see why I should, poor fellow, for he never did me much harm.” INGENIOUS INSINUATION. At Allithwaite, Westmoreland, Mrs. Sarah Birkett, innkeeper, and formerly of Troutbeck, famous for brewing fine ale, had upon her sign-post the following words:-- O mortal man, that liv’st by bread, How comes thy nose to be so red? Thou silly ass, that look’st so pale, ’Tis red with Sarah Birkett’s ale. HOW TO PAY A DOCTOR’S BILL. A singular old gentleman was waited upon with his surgeon’s bill for the purpose of being paid. After cogitating over its contents for some time, he desired the person in waiting for his answer, to tell his master that the medicine he should certainly pay for, but _that he should return the visits_. GOOD EXCHANGE.