RIGHT CONJECTURE. A buck parson going to read prayers at a village in the west of England, found some difficulty in putting on the surplice. “D--n this surplice!” said he to the clerk, “I think the devil is in it.” Amen, astonished, waited till the parson had got it on, and then answered, “I thinks as how he is, zur.” WALKING BY FAITH. A person saying that he would not believe there was any devil, because he had never _seen_ him, was answered by another, “By the same rule, I should believe you to have neither _wit_ nor _sense_.” ELWES THE MISER. The eldest son of Elwes, the celebrated miser, having fallen down with a ladder, when pulling some grapes, had the precaution to go into the village to the barber and get blooded. On his return he was asked where he had been, and what was the matter with his arm? He told his father what had happened, and that he had got bled. “Bled!” said the old gentleman; “but what did you give?” “A shilling,” answered the boy. “Psha!” returned the father, “you are a blockhead; never part with your _blood_.” Elwes had two country seats, the one in Suffolk, and the other in Berkshire; of these he gave the preference to the former, because his journey from town thither cost him only twopence-halfpenny; that into Berkshire amounted to fourpence. At this time he was worth eight hundred thousand pounds. CAUSE AND EFFECT. Two gentleman happening to meet, the one observed, “So our friend ----, the attorney, is dead.” “Yes, and I hear he left very few _effects_.” “It could not be otherwise: he had very few _causes_.” NOT A BAD HIT. A gentleman expatiated on the justice and propriety of an _hereditary_ nobility. “Is it not right,” said he, “in order to hand down to posterity the virtues of those men who have been eminent for their services to the country, that their posterity should enjoy the honours conferred on them as a reward for such services?” “By the same rule,” said a lady, “if a man is _hanged_ for his misdeeds, _all his posterity should be hanged too_.” CUTTING BOTH WAYS. Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough, once pressing the duke to take a medicine, with her usual warmth said, “I’ll be _hanged_ if it do not prove serviceable.” Dr. Garth, who was present, exclaimed, “Do take it, then, my lord duke, for it must be of service the one way or the other.” DUKE OF NEWCASTLE. A poor fellow having with difficulty procured an audience of the premier Duke of Newcastle, told his grace he came only to solicit him for somewhat towards a support, and as they were of the same family, _being both descended from Adam_, hoped he should not be refused. “Surely not,” said the duke; “surely not; there’s a penny for you; and if all the rest of your relations will give you as much, you’ll be a richer man than I am.” A DISCONSOLATE HOUSE.