"Yes, thanks to your delightful hospitality, I've had everything my doctor ordered me: 'Fresh air, good food, agreeable society, and cheerful conversation that involves no strain on the intellect!'"] * * * * * [Illustration: DISAPPOINTMENTS OF LION-HUNTING GUARDSMAN (_gazing at the motley throng_).--"Any great literary or scientific celebrities here to-night, Lady Circe?" LADY CIRCE (_who has taken to hunting Lions_).--"No, Sir Charles. The worst of celebrities in these democratic days is that they won't come unless you ask their wives and families, too! So I ask the wives and families, and the wives and families come in their thousands, if you please, and the celebrities stay at home and go to bed."] * * * * * [Illustration: TWO ON A TOWER JONES (_a rising young British architect_).--"Yes; it's a charming old castle you've bought, Mrs. Prynne, and I heartily congratulate you on being its possessor!" FAIR CALIFORNIA WIDOW (_just settled in the old country_).--"Thanks. And now you must find me a _legend_ for it, Mr. Jones!" JONES.--"I'm afraid I can't manage _that_; but I could add a _story_, if that will do as well!"] * * * * * [Illustration: AT THE ZOO TOMMY.--"Why don't they have little shut-up houses? Why do they have open bars?" DOROTHY (_who knows everything_).--"Oh! that's for them to see the people, of course!"] * * * * * [Illustration: NATURE _VERSUS_ ART Just as Stodge is about to explain the recondite subtleties of his picture to a select circle of deeply interested and delightfully sympathetic women, his wife comes in with the _baby_, confound it!] * * * * * [Illustration: A NEW READING OF A FAMOUS PICTURE "Oh, look, grandpapa! Poor things ... they're burying the baby!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ANTE-POSTHUMOUS JEALOUSY "_Isn't_ Emily Firkinson a darling, Reginald?" "A--ahem--no doubt. I can't say much for her _singing_, you know!" "Ah! but she's so good and true--a perfect angel! I've known her all my life. I want you to _promise_ me something, Reginald." "Certainly, my love!" "If I should die young, and you should ever marry again, promise, oh! promise me that it shall be Emily Firkinson!"] * * * * * [Illustration: DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS HOSTESS (_to host, after dinner_).--"George, dear, how about asking Signor Robsonio and Signora Smithorelli to sing? They'll be mortally _offended_ if we _do_, and they'll be mortally _offended_ if we _don't_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL AGONIES