Authors, English -- 20th century -- Biography; Blackwood, Algernon, 1869-1951
My father in due course arrived; Gildea’s parents, both of them,
arrived likewise; there were consultations, mysterious comings and
goings; it was a day of gloom and terror; for some reason I made no
attempt to defend myself; it all flabbergasted, frightened, puzzled me
beyond understanding. I was made to confess to Gildea and to apologize
to the parents. To my own father I said nothing. He looked troubled,
yet somehow not as grave as he ought to have looked. Perhaps he had
his doubts.... What that fiendish headmaster, whose name I will not
mention, had said behind my back, I did not know, for my father never
referred to the matter afterwards, and both I and my brother were
removed from the school at the end of the term. But I was severely
punished--sent to Coventry for three days--for doing something I had
both done and had not done, and the phrase “Criminal Judge” was burnt
into my memory with letters of fire. My revenge was rather an oblique
one--a fight with that headmaster’s son, though about quite another
matter. With each blow I landed--and I landed several--I saw red
whiskers on a boy about my own age!
This digression concerning a poetry book occurs to me only now, while
telling of my wickedness about the blanket. The lesson that master
wished to teach me had no effect, for the simple reason that I had
_not_ stolen. The fear, however, doubtless remained; the injustice
scored deep, bitter wounds. I trace back to it a curious persistent
dread, not entirely obliterated even now: the dread of being accused
of a crime I have not committed; yet where the evidence of guilt
seems overwhelming. Patanjali’s “Aphorisms” describe a method of
living through in imagination all possible experiences. A series of
laborious incarnations would be necessary to exhaust these experiences
in the ordinary way. They can be lived out in the mind instead. In
imagination, anyhow, thanks to that little school injustice, I have
often tried to _realize_ the feelings of a man serving a term of
imprisonment for a crime he has not committed. Patanjali’s interesting
method is, at any rate, a means of opening the mind to a sympathetic
understanding of many an experience one could not otherwise know. Only
imagination must be sustained and very detailed, and the projection of
the personality is not easy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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