London (England) -- Fiction; Working class -- Fiction
“I treated him with satire!”
“Weren’t there ladies present, then?”
“There was one, as it happened.”
“_She’d_ been better off at ’ome,” remarked the girl severely. “The
minx.”
“She looked all right.”
“You can’t go by looks nowadays.”
“A tremendous weapon satire in the ’ands of a clever man,” said Erb
exultantly, “takes the starch out of ’em like drenching with a fire ’ose.
Am I supposed to stay on ’ere whilst this new chap of yours mops up his
tea?”
“Unless me lady comes down from Eaton Square to lord it over us all.”
“Nice occupation for a man of my—a man of my—”
“Don’t say ‘intellect,’” begged his sister. “Spoils me appetite if I
laugh much before dinner.”
A pleasure to watch the sister, her sleeves rolled up to the elbow,
setting right the things on the table, placing, with the aid of an exact
pair of eyes, the china cruet-stand at the very centre, fabricating some
mustard in a teacup, and pouring it cleanly and carefully into the
mustard-pot, glancing at the oven with an encouraging, “’Urry up there!”
to the pie, and ever a wary look-out on the lid of the saucepan on the
fire; the intervals she filled by complaining of the price of coals, by
dusting the mantelpiece, by asking questions about the morning’s
speeches, and by explaining with great interest the trouble that came to
a girl in her workshop consequent on accepting engagement rings from two
young men at the same time. Presently the one right moment arrived, and
out came the rabbit pie, with a crust not to be equalled for lightness
and flakiness in Page’s Walk, where, indeed, experiments in the higher
walks of cookery usually proved so disastrous as to lead to domestic
contention and a review of all the varied grievances that had accumulated
throughout the ages. Erb, at the head of the table, cut the pie, and his
young sister sat at the side, with one foot on the insecure support, so
that the table scarcely wobbled under this trying operation; there ensued
some argument because Erb wanted to place both of the kidneys on her
plate, and his sister would not hear of this, but a compromise was
effected by sharing these dainties fairly and equally. His sister said
grace.
“For what we are ’bout ’ceive, Lord make us truly thankful for.”
“Well?” she asked, rather nervously, as Erb took his first mouthful. Erb
tasted with the air of a connoisseur.
“I’ve tasted worse,” he said.
“I was afraid how it was going to turn out,” confessed his sister with
relief. “It’s long since I tried my ’and at a pie.”
“There’s nothing anyone can’t do in this so-called life of ours,” said
Erb oracularly, “providin’ that we put our best into it. We’ve all been
endowed—”
“Pickle pork all right?”
“The pickle pork isn’t nearly so bad as it might be,” said Erb. “They
couldn’t beat it in Eaton Square. As I was saying, the human brain—”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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