“The stalls wad be kept by a’ the baronets that could be scraped
thegither and could be trusted withoot cash registers, and the stall
assistants wad be the pick o’ the best-lookin’ men in the toon--if ye
could get them sober enough. If Jinnet wad let me, I wad be willin’
to gie a hand mysel’; for though I’ve a flet fit I’ve a warm hert, I’m
tellin’ ye.
“I think I see Duffy walkin’ roond the St Andrew’s Hall, and it got up
to look like the Fall o’ Babylon, tryin’ to sell bunches o’ flooers. Dae
ye think he wad sell mony to the young chaps like whit Maud riped? Nae
fears! He wad hae to tak’ every customer oot and stand him a drink afore
he wad get a flooer aff his hands.
“Can ye fancy Duffy gaun roond tryin’ to sell tickets for a raffle o’ a
canary in a cage?
“‘Here ye are, chaps and cairters! the chance o’ yer lifes for a grand
whustler, and no’ ill to feed!’
“Na, na! a man o’ the Duffy stamp wad be nae use for a bazaar, even wi’
a dress suit on and his face washed. It wad need young stockbrokers, and
chaps wi’ the richt kind o’ claes, wi’ a crease doon the front o’ their
breeks--Gros-venor Restaurant chaps, wi’ the smell o’ cigars aff their
topcoats, and either ca’d Fred or Vincent. Then ye micht see that the
ither sex that hiv a’ the best o’t wi’ bazaars, the wye they’re managed
noo, wad flock to the man’s bazaar and buy like onything. And maybe
no’.”
Erchie rose off the drain-pipe, and prepared to resume his way home with
that ingenious object that proves how the lowliest things of life may be
made dignified and beautiful--if fashion says they are so.
“Well; good night, old friend,” I said. “I hope Mrs MacPherson will be
lucky and get the bicycle.”
“Dae ye, indeed?” said he. “Then ye’re nae freen’ o’ mine. We’re faur
mair in the need o’ a mangle.”
“Then you can exchange for one.”
“I’m no’ that shair. Did I ever tell ye I ance won a powney in a raffle?
It was at the bazaar oor kirk had in Dr Jardine’s time when they got the
organ. I was helpin’ at the buffet, and I think they micht hae left me
alane, me no’ bein’ there for fun, but at my tred, but wha cam’ cravin’
me to buy a ticket aff her but the doctor’s guid-sister.
“‘There’s three prizes,’ she says, ‘a powney wi’ broon harness, a marble
nock, and a dizzen knifes and forks.
“‘I wad maybe risk it if it wisna for the powney,’ I tellt her; ‘I
havena kep’ a coachman for years, and I’m oot o’ the way o’ drivin’
mysel’.’
“‘Oh! ye needna be that feared, ye’ll maybe no’ get the powney,’ said
she, and I went awa’ like a fool and took the ticket.
“The draw took place jist when the bazaar was shuttin’ on the Setturday
nicht. And I won the powney wi’ the broon harness.
“I tore my ticket and thrieped it was a mistake, but I couldna get oot
o’t; they a’ kent the powney was mine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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