The thing came to Hazlitt without words, with a gleam and a flurry as of
snow. He stood blind--a little snow-covered figure shivering and lost in
a lighted, crowded street. All because a woman, warm and clinging, had
kissed him on the mouth and moved her body. But once she had kissed
another man thus--on the mouth, with her body moving, and therein lay a
new world--a world of flying-haired Mænads and growling satyrs that
lived behind the tick-tock of windows. Standing in the snowstorm an
insane notion took possession of Hazlitt. It had to do with Evil. Order
was an accident. Men and women were evil. The tick-tock was a pretense.
The notion passed. Doubt needs thought to feed upon, and Hazlitt gave it
none. Or he would have ended as Hazlitt and become someone else. He
walked again with a silence in his head. Another block, and life had
again focused itself into tableaux. The moment of doubt had shaken him
as if rough hands had reached from an alley and clutched wildly at his
throat. But it had gone, and the memory of it too was gone. Hands that
had nobody behind them; emotion that came without the stabilizing
outline of words. So the world stood again on its feet. Tick-tock, said
the world to George Hazlitt; and his brain gave an answer, "Tick-tock!"
For the paradox of Hazlitt was not that he was a thinker, but a dreamer.
His puritanism had put an end to his brain. Like his fellows for whose
respect and admiration he worked, he had bartered his intelligence for a
thing he proudly called Americanism, and thought for him had become a
placid agitation of platitudes. But he could still dream. His emotions
avenged his stupidity. Walking in the street--he felt a desire to
walk--he shut himself in. It seemed to him now that his love had become
a part of the snow and the far-away dark of the sky. Rachel ... Rachel,
his thought called as if summoning something back.
It came to him slowly--the image of the virginal one--doubly sweet and
beautiful now that he was unclean. How had it happened? She had been
weeping; he comforting her. Two strangers, they had sat in his office.
One a murderess weeping for her sins; the other a kindly hearted,
clean-minded attorney consoling her, pointing to her the way of hope.
And then like two animals they had stood sucking at each other's breath.
God, what could he do? Nothing. He was unclean. He recalled with a dread
the thought that had come to him in the embrace ... was she Rachel? Yes,
she had been Rachel and he had lowered his dream to her lips, as if in
the lust of a strange woman's kiss there lay the image of Rachel, the
virginal mystery of Rachel. If he had been man enough not to drag the
memory of Rachel into it, it would be easy now. But he would look
squarely at the facts, anyway. That must be his punishment and his
penance. Yes, say it ... it was with his love for Rachel he had embraced
and almost possessed the body of a stranger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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