His love-making had been somewhat curious. Walks with Rachel--a
whirligig of streets, faces, words. A dance and a flash of words, as if
he were exploding into phrases. As if his vocabulary desired to empty
itself before Rachel. His garrulity amazed him. Everything had to be
talked about. There was a desperate need for talk. And when there was
nothing to talk about for the moment, his words abhorring idleness, fell
to inventing emotions--a complete set of emotions for himself and for
Rachel. These were discussed, explained, and forgotten.
Finally the strange talk that had ended a week ago--a last desperate
concealment of emotion and desire in a burst of glittering phrases.
Phrases that whirled like the exotic decorations about the wild body of
a dancer, becoming a dance in themselves, deriving a movement and a
meaning beyond themselves. Then the end of concealment. An exhausted
vocabulary sighed, collapsed. A frantic discarding of ornaments and the
nude body of the dancer stood posturing naïvely, timidly. Therewith an
end to mystery. The thing was known.
It had happened during one of their walks. Leaden clouds over day-dark
pavements. Warehouses, railroad tracks, factories--a street toiling
through a dismantled world. Their hands together, they paused and
remained staring as if at a third person. He had reached out rather
impersonally and taken her hand. The contact had shocked him into
silence. It was difficult to breathe.
"Rachel, do you love me?"
She nodded her head and pressed his hand against her cheek. They walked
on in silence. This brought an end to talk. Talk concealed. There was
nothing more to conceal. His vocabulary sighed as if admitting defeat
and uselessness. At a corner grown noisy with wagons and trucks Rachel
stopped. Her eyes opened to him. He looked at her and said, as if he had
fallen asleep "I too am in love." He laughed dreamily. "Yes, I've been
since the beginning. Curious!"
She might laugh at him. It was evident he had avoided making love to her
during the five months in fear of that. The only reason he hadn't
embraced, kissed, and protested affection five months ago was the
possibility that she would laugh--and perhaps go away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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