There was no final headline that night. Wednesday brought problems of
conduct. It was obvious that Rachel was going away because of Anna. Her
departure was a fact which presented itself with no finality. It
resembled an insincere thought of suicide. Rachel, having gone, would
still remain. The emotional prospects of the farewell closed his thought
to the future. He spent Wednesday waiting for a seven o'clock on
Thursday. An hour had detached itself from hours that went before and
that followed. At home in the evening he endeavored to avoid his wife.
His letters to her during her visit in Wisconsin had brought her back
violently joyous. She desired love-making. He listened to her pour out
ardent phrases and wondered why he felt no sense of betrayal toward her.
"Conscience," he thought, "seems to be a vastly over-advertised
commodity." He sat beside Anna, caressing her hand, smiling back into
her passion-filled eyes, and gently checking an impulse in him to
confide to her that he was in love with Rachel. It would be pleasant to
tell her that, provided she would nod her head understandingly, smile,
and stroke his hair; and answer something like, "You mean Rachel is in
love with you. Well, I can't blame her. I'm horribly jealous, but it
doesn't matter." An incongruous sanity warned him to avoid confessions,
so he contented himself by rolling the situation over on his tongue,
tasting the jealousy of his wife, the drama of the dénouement, and
remaining peacefully smiling in his leather chair.
Thursday arrived. The afternoon dragged. He sat at his desk wondering
whether he was sorrowful or not. The thought of meeting Rachel elated
him. The thought that she was leaving and that he would not see her
again seemed a vague thing. He put it out of his mind with ease and
devoted himself to dreaming what he would say, the manner in which he
would bid farewell.
Walking now swiftly in the street toward Rachel's home his thought still
played with his emotions. It was this that partially caused his
laughter. Also, now that he was going to see her, there was again the
sense of fullness. An unthinking calm, complete and vibrant, wrapped him
in an embrace. The fullness and the calm brought laughter. His thought
amused him with the words, "There's a flaming absurdity about
everything."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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