The other element of friendship is tenderness. We are holden to men by
every sort of tie, by blood, by pride, by fear, by hope, by lucre, by
lust, by hate, by admiration, by every circumstance and badge and
trifle,—but we can scarce believe that so much character can subsist in
another as to draw us by love. Can another be so blessed and we so pure
that we can offer him tenderness? When a man becomes dear to me I have
touched the goal of fortune. I find very little written directly to the
heart of this matter in books. And yet I have one text which I cannot
choose but remember. My author says,—“I offer myself faintly and
bluntly to those whose I effectually am, and tender myself least to him
to whom I am the most devoted.” I wish that friendship should have
feet, as well as eyes and eloquence. It must plant itself on the
ground, before it vaults over the moon. I wish it to be a little of a
citizen, before it is quite a cherub. We chide the citizen because he
makes love a commodity. It is an exchange of gifts, of useful loans; it
is good neighborhood; it watches with the sick; it holds the pall at
the funeral; and quite loses sight of the delicacies and nobility of
the relation. But though we cannot find the god under this disguise of
a sutler, yet on the other hand we cannot forgive the poet if he spins
his thread too fine and does not substantiate his romance by the
municipal virtues of justice, punctuality, fidelity and pity. I hate
the prostitution of the name of friendship to signify modish and
worldly alliances. I much prefer the company of ploughboys and
tin-peddlers to the silken and perfumed amity which celebrates its days
of encounter by a frivolous display, by rides in a curricle and dinners
at the best taverns. The end of friendship is a commerce the most
strict and homely that can be joined; more strict than any of which we
have experience. It is for aid and comfort through all the relations
and passages of life and death. It is fit for serene days and graceful
gifts and country rambles, but also for rough roads and hard fare,
shipwreck, poverty, and persecution. It keeps company with the sallies
of the wit and the trances of religion. We are to dignify to each other
the daily needs and offices of man’s life, and embellish it by courage,
wisdom and unity. It should never fall into something usual and
settled, but should be alert and inventive and add rhyme and reason to
what was drudgery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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