Friendship requires that rare mean betwixt likeness and unlikeness that
piques each with the presence of power and of consent in the other
party. Let me be alone to the end of the world, rather than that my
friend should overstep, by a word or a look, his real sympathy. I am
equally balked by antagonism and by compliance. Let him not cease an
instant to be himself. The only joy I have in his being mine, is that
the _not mine_ is _mine_. I hate, where I looked for a manly
furtherance, or at least a manly resistance, to find a mush of
concession. Better be a nettle in the side of your friend than his
echo. The condition which high friendship demands is ability to do
without it. That high office requires great and sublime parts. There
must be very two, before there can be very one. Let it be an alliance
of two large, formidable natures, mutually beheld, mutually feared,
before yet they recognize the deep identity which, beneath these
disparities, unites them.
He only is fit for this society who is magnanimous; who is sure that
greatness and goodness are always economy; who is not swift to
intermeddle with his fortunes. Let him not intermeddle with this. Leave
to the diamond its ages to grow, nor expect to accelerate the births of
the eternal. Friendship demands a religious treatment. We talk of
choosing our friends, but friends are self-elected. Reverence is a
great part of it. Treat your friend as a spectacle. Of course he has
merits that are not yours, and that you cannot honor if you must needs
hold him close to your person. Stand aside; give those merits room; let
them mount and expand. Are you the friend of your friend’s buttons, or
of his thought? To a great heart he will still be a stranger in a
thousand particulars, that he may come near in the holiest ground.
Leave it to girls and boys to regard a friend as property, and to suck
a short and all-confounding pleasure, instead of the noblest benefit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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