It is not pleasant to have one's mental responsibility brought in
question, and the result of my interview with Professor Chickering was,
to put it mildly, unsatisfactory. Not that he had exactly questioned my
sanity, but it was all too evident that he was disposed to accept my
statement of a plain matter-of-fact occurrence with a too liberal
modicum of salt. I say "matter-of-fact occurrence" in full knowledge of
the truth that I myself had at first regarded the whole transaction as a
fantasia or flight of mind, the result of extreme nervous tension; but
in the interval succeeding I had abundant opportunity to correlate my
thoughts, and to bring some sort of order out of the mental and physical
chaos of that strange, eventful night. True, the preliminary events
leading up to it were extraordinary; the dismal weather, the depression
of body and spirit under which I labored, the wild whirl of thought
keeping pace with the elements--in short, a general concatenation of
events that seemed to be ordered especially for the introduction of some
abnormal visitor--the night would indeed have been incomplete without a
ghost! But was it a ghost? There was nothing ghostly about my visitor,
except the manner of his entrance and exit. In other respects, he seemed
substantial enough. He was, in his manners, courteous and polished as a
Chesterfield; learned as a savant in his conversation; human in his
thoughtful regard of my fears and misgivings; but that tremendous
forehead, with its crown of silver hair, the long, translucent beard of
pearly whiteness, and above all the astounding facility with which he
read my hidden thoughts--these were not natural.
The Professor had been patient with me--I had a right to expect that; he
was entertaining to the extent of reading such excerpts as he had with
him on the subject of hallucinations and their supposed causes, but had
he not spoiled all by assigning me at last to a place with the
questionable, unbalanced characters he had cited? I thought so, and the
reflection provoked me; and this thought grew upon me until I came to
regard his stories and attendant theories as so much literary trash.
My own reflections had been sober and deliberate, and had led me to seek
a rational explanation of the unusual phenomena. I had gone to Professor
Chickering for a certain measure of sympathy, and what was more to the
point, to secure his suggestions and assistance in the further
unraveling of a profound mystery that might contain a secret of untold
use to humanity. Repulsed by the mode in which my confidence had been
received, I decided to do what I should have done from the outset--to
keep my own counsel, and to follow alone the investigation to the end,
no matter what the result might be. I could not forget or ignore the
silver hair I had so religiously preserved. That was genuine; it was as
tangible, as real, as convincing a witness as would have been the entire
head of my singular visitant, whatever might be his nature.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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