November third had passed, the fourth, and the fifth had come, when a
stubborn, protesting notion entered my mind that I was yielding to a
superstitious idea, and that it was time to control my vacillating will.
Accordingly on this day I sent word to a friend that, if agreeable to
him, I would call on him on the evening of the seventh for a short
social chat, but as I expected to be engaged until later than usual,
would he excuse me if I did not reach his apartments until ten? The
request was singular, but as I was now accounted somewhat odd, it
excited no comment, and the answer was returned, requesting me to come.
The seventh of November came at last. I was nervous during the day,
which seemed to drag tediously, and several times it was remarked of me
that I seemed abstracted and ill at ease, but I held my peace. Night
came cold and clear, and the stars shone brighter than usual, I thought.
It was a sharp contrast to the night of a year ago. I took an early
supper, for which I had no appetite, after which I strolled aimlessly
about the streets, revolving how I should put in the time till ten
o'clock, when I was to call upon my friend. I decided to go to the
theater, and to the theater I went. The play was spectacular, "Aladdin;
or, The Wonderful Lamp." The entertainment, to me, was a flat failure,
for I was busy with my thoughts, and it was not long until my thoughts
were busy with me, and I found myself attempting to answer a series of
questions that finally became embarrassing. "Why did you make an
appointment for ten o'clock instead of eight, if you wished to keep away
from your apartments?" I hadn't thought of that before; it was stupid to
a degree, if not ill-mannered, and I frankly admitted as much. "Why did
you make an appointment at all, in the face of the fact that you not
only expected a visitor, but were anxious to meet him?" This was easily
answered: because I did not wish to yield to what struck me as
superstition. "But do you expect to extend your call until morning?"
Well, no, I hadn't thought or arranged to do so. "Well, then, what is to
prevent your expected guest from awaiting your return? Or, what
assurance have you that he will not encounter you in the street, under
circumstances that will provoke or, at the least, embarrass you?" None
whatever. "Then what have you gained by your stupid perversity?"
Nothing, beyond the assertion of my own individuality. "Why not go home
and receive your guest in becoming style?" No; I would not do that. I
had started on this course, and I would persevere in it. I would be
consistent. And so I persisted, at least until nine o'clock, when I quit
the theater in sullen dejection, and went home to make some slight
preparation for my evening call.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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