English fiction -- 19th century; Tailors -- Fiction
Andrew again affirmatived his senior's remarks. That his treatment of
Old Tom was sound, he presently had proof of. The latter stood up, and
after sniffing in an injured way for about a minute, launched out his
right leg, and vociferated that he would like to have it in his power to
kick all the villains out of the world: a modest demand Andrew at once
chimed in with; adding that, were such a faculty extended to him, he
would not object to lose the leg that could benefit mankind so
infinitely, and consented to its following them. Then, Old Tom, who was
of a practical turn, meditated, swung his foot, and gave one grim kick at
the imaginary bundle of villains, discharged them headlong straight into
space. Andrew, naturally imitative, and seeing that he had now to kick
them flying, attempted to excel Old Tom in the vigour of his delivery.
No wonder that the efforts of both were heating: they were engaged in the
task of ridding the globe of the larger half of its inhabitants. Tom
perceived Andrew's useless emulation, and with a sound translated by
'yack,' sent his leg out a long way. Not to be outdone, Andrew
immediately, with a still louder 'yack,' committed himself to an effort
so violent that the alternative between his leg coming off, or his being
taken off his leg, was propounded by nature, and decided by the laws of
gravity in a trice. Joyful grunts were emitted by Old Tom at the sight
of Andrew prostrate, rubbing his pate. But Mrs. Sockley, to whom the
noise of Andrew's fall had suggested awful fears of a fratricidal
conflict upstairs, hurried forthwith to announce to them that the
sovereign remedy for human ills, the promoter of concord, the healer of
feuds, the central point of man's destiny in the flesh--Dinner, was
awaiting them.
To the dinner they marched.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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