For he was troubled with a conscience--even with one unusually
poignant. An anecdote from his twentieth year depicts this feature of
the man. He and Narramore were walking one night in a very poor part of
Birmingham, and for some reason they chanced to pause by a
shop-window--a small window, lighted with one gas-jet, and laid out
with a miserable handful of paltry wares; the shop, however, was newly
opened, and showed a pathetic attempt at cleanliness and neatness. The
friends asked each other how it could possibly benefit anyone to embark
in such a business as that, and laughed over the display. While he was
laughing, Hilliard became aware of a woman in the doorway, evidently
the shopkeeper; she had heard their remarks and looked distressed.
Infinitely keener was the pang which Maurice experienced; he could not
forgive himself, kept exclaiming how brutally he had behaved, and sank
into gloominess. Not very long after, he took Narramore to walk in the
same direction; they came again to the little shop, and Hilliard
surprised his companion with a triumphant shout. The window was now
laid out in a much more promising way, with goods of modest value. "You
remember?" said the young man. "I couldn't rest till I had sent her
something. She'll wonder to the end of her life who the money came
from. But she's made use of it, poor creature, and it'll bring her
luck."
Only the hopeless suppression of natural desires, the conflict through
years of ardent youth with sordid circumstances, could have brought him
to the pass he had now reached--one of desperation centred in self.
Every suggestion of native suavity and prudence was swept away in
tumultuous revolt. Another twelvemonth of his slavery and he would have
yielded to brutalising influences which rarely relax their hold upon a
man. To-day he was prompted by the instinct of flight from peril
threatening all that was worthy in him.
Just as the last glimmer of daylight vanished from his room there
sounded a knock at the door.
"Your tea's ready, Mr. Hilliard," called a woman's voice.
He took his meals downstairs in the landlady's parlour. Appetite at
present lie had none, but the pretence of eating was a way of passing
the time; so he descended and sat down at the prepared table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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