Women -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- England -- Fiction
She has been a widow for many years. Indeed she only lived with her
husband six months from her virginity, and then he died of the
’Ammonia,’ as the village children call it. My aunt never goes out
without her maid, Keziah, and she carries a disgusting ’fydo’
everywhere. She talks religion all day long, and quotes texts at
people. She brings out my prickles.
Father says that no one will know what a ’fydo’ is, and that I am not to
be disrespectful, because she is a really good woman and has the
missionary spirit. Father is like that, he has a kind of humility that
won’t let him say beastly things about any one. My brother is not so
particular. He used to say that he wouldn’t let the chaps at school
know he had an aunt who talked about his soul like a little Bethel for
anything this world could offer him. Besides, I should have thought
that any one would know that a ’fydo’ is any bloated dog of uncertain
ancestry that stinks and pants.
Our only other relative is daddy’s cousin Emily. She lives in Hampstead,
next door but five to Aunt Amelia. Her parrot can say the collect for
the seventeenth Sunday after Trinity.
Cousin Emily is a spinster, but she has a grand passion in her life, and
it is animals. She will have nothing killed, with the result that her
house is overrun with mice and the garden’s full of snails. She visits
the poor in the East End and gives away flannel petticoats at Christmas
large enough to fit the dome of St Paul’s. The last time father stayed
there she caught a flea in the slums, but of course she couldn’t destroy
it. She was greatly agitated and went about the house with the wretched
creature clasped in her arms, as it were, waiting for an inspiration as
to what to do with it. Finally she decided to put it on the cat’s back,
and was quite happy till father wickedly said he did not think that
arrangement was fair on the cat.
Then she wished she had thrown it down the cellar stairs, but daddy
teased her and said, ’the poor thing might have broken its leg and lain
amid the wine bottles in anguish, unable even to help itself to brandy
or anything.’ The poor old dear thereupon said, ’But, dear cousin, what
shall I do if I find another?’ and her dear cousin advised her strongly
to let the house furnished.
But I like her awfully. So does Ross. He says she is a ripping old
bird. She gives us topping presents. She sent me two of the darlingest
white and fawn rabbits, exactly alike, when I was a kiddie. One was
called ’Nada the Lily’ and the other ’dear Buckiebuckie,’ but I found
the mental strain of life too great when I found ten little rabbits in
dear Buckiebuckie’s cage. He seemed so pleased with them, too; that’s
what worried me so. He didn’t seem to know how wrong it was, and
neither did Nada the Lily, for she sat in placid indifference by her
empty nest box.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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