"It will not do for a king to live without an army," he said. "Just command me, and I will gather soldiers from among your people, and will get you up an army." Iván took his advice. "All right," he said, "get me up an army: teach them to play good music,--I like that." The old devil started to go over the kingdom, to gather volunteers. He said that they should go and get their crowns shaved, for which they would get a bottle of vódka each, and a red cap. The fools laughed at him. "We have all the liquor we want," they said, "for we distil it ourselves, and as for caps, our women will make us any we want, even motley ones, with tassels at that." Not one of them would go. The old devil went to Iván and said: "Your fools will not go of their own will; you will have to force them." "All right," he said, "drive them by force!" And so the old devil announced that all the fools were to inscribe themselves as soldiers, and that Iván would execute those who would not go. The fools came to the general and said: "You say that the king will have us killed if we do not become soldiers, but you do not tell us what we shall have to do as soldiers. They say that soldiers, too, are killed." "Yes, that cannot be helped." When the fools heard that, they became stubborn. "We will not go," they said. "If so, let us be killed at home! Death cannot be escaped anyway." "Fools that you are!" said the old devil. "A soldier may be killed or not, but if you do not go, King Iván will certainly have you killed." The fools considered the matter, and went to see Iván the Fool. "Your general has come," they said, "and tells us all to turn soldiers. 'If you become soldiers,' he says, 'you may be killed, or not, but if you do not become soldiers King Iván will certainly put you to death.' Is that true?" Iván began to laugh. "How can I, one man, have you all put to death? If I were not a fool, I should explain that to you, but as it is, I do not understand it myself." "If so," they said, "we shall not become soldiers." "All right," he said, "don't." The fools went to the general and refused to become soldiers. The old devil saw that his business did not work, so he went to the King of Cockroachland, and got into his favour. "Let us go," he said, "and wage war on King Iván, and vanquish him. He has no money, but he has plenty of grain, and cattle, and all kinds of things." The King of Cockroachland went out to make war: he had gathered a large army, and collected guns and cannon, and left his borders, to enter Iván's kingdom. People came to Iván and said: "The King of Cockroachland is coming against us." "All right," he said, "let him come." The King of Cockroachland crossed the border, and sent the advance-guard to find Iván's army. They looked and looked for it, and could not find it. They thought that they might wait for it to show up. But they heard nothing about it,--there was no army to fight.