Produced by David Edwards, Graeme Mackreth and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned images of public domain material from the Google Print project.) Fables _in_ Slang Fables _in_ Slang FABLES IN SLANG by GEORGE ADE ILLUSTRATED by CLYDE J. NEWMAN PUBLISHED BY HERBERT S. STONE AND COMPANY CHICAGO & NEW YORK MDCCCCI COPYRIGHT, 1899, BY HERBERT S. STONE & CO. _The Author and the Publishers wish to acknowledge the courtesy of_ VICTOR F. LAWSON, ESQ., _in permitting the reissue of these Fables in book form, after their appearance in the columns of_ THE CHICAGO RECORD. SIXTY-EIGHTH THOUSAND Table _of_ Contents PAGE _The_ Fable _of the_ Visitor _Who_ Got _a_ Lot _for_ Three Dollars 1 _The_ Fable _of the_ Slim Girl _Who_ Tried to Keep a Date that was Never Made 9 _The_ Fable _of the_ New York Person _Who_ Gave _the_ Stage Fright _to_ Fostoria, Ohio 15 _The_ Fable _of the_ Kid _Who_ Shifted _His_ Ideal 23 _The_ Fable _of the_ Base Ball Fan _Who_ Took _the_ Only Known Cure 27 _The_ Fable _of the_ Good Fairy _with the_ Lorgnette, _and why_ She Got _It_ Good 33 _The_ Fable _of the_ Unintentional Heroes _of_ Centreville 47 _The_ Fable _of the_ Parents _Who_ Tinkered _with the_ Offspring 53 _The_ Fable _of_ How _He_ Never Touched George 59 _The_ Fable _of the_ Preacher _Who_ Flew _His_ Kite, _but_ not Because _He_ Wished _to_ Do _So_ 63 _The_ Fable _of_ Handsome Jethro, _Who was_ Simply Cut Out _to_ be _a_ Merchant 75 _The_ Fable _of_ Paducah's Favorite Comedians _and the_ Mildewed Stunt 83 _The_ Fable _of_ Flora _and_ Adolph _and a_ Home Gone Wrong 93 _The_ Fable _of the_ Copper _and the_ Jovial Undergrads 105 _The_ Fable _of the_ Professor _Who_ Wanted _to be_ Alone 111 _The_ Fable _of a_ Statesman _Who_ Couldn't Make Good 115 _The_ Fable _of the_ Brash Drummer _and the_ Peach _Who_ Learned _that_ There Were Others 123 _The_ Fable _of_ Sister Mae, _Who_ Did _as_ Well _as_ Could Be Expected 135 _The_ Fable _of_ How _the_ Fool-Killer Backed Out _of a_ Contract 143 _The_ Fable _of the_ Caddy _Who_ Hurt His Head while Thinking 147 _The_ Fable _of the_ Martyr _Who_ Liked _the_ Job 151