Dinner discussed, and its etceteras having been partaken, in full consciousness of the comforts which surrounded me, contrasted with the discomforts, &c. from which I had escaped,--I sank into an agreeable reverie; and during a vision,--I must not call it a doze,--composed of port wine and walnuts--the invigorating beams of Wallsend coal--an occasional fancied jolt of the coach--the three mouthfuls of dinner, by the name, I had gotten at Oxford--and the escape of my one neck, when, goose as I was, I presented it where two seemed to be an essential by the sign of the habitation and the dangers of the gate,--I was aroused by a crash, something like the noise of the machine which accompanies the falling of an avalanche or a castle, or some such direful affair at "Astley's;" and starting up, I thought,--had the coach upset? but, much to my gratification, found myself a safe "inside." Still came crash after crash, until I thought it high time to see as well as hear. "What on earth is the matter?" said I to the first waiter I met, as I descended from the coffee-room, and got to the door of the "tap," or room for accommodation of the lower grade of persons frequenting the establishment. "Oh! sir," said he, "it is two dreadful Irishmen fighting: one has broken a table on the other's head; the other smashed a chair." I stopped short, and well do I recollect that the blood rushed to my face as I turned away; I confess, too, that while returning to the coffee-room, when the waiter followed and asked, should he bring tea, I "cockneyfied" my accent as much as possible, in the hope that he should not know I was an Irishman:--such was my shame for my country at the moment. Many minutes, however, had not elapsed until I felt shame another way--namely, that I should for a moment deny the land which gave me birth;--and I at once determined to ascertain the facts and particulars of the outrage. Down I went, therefore, again, and entering the tap-room, found that in truth a table had been broken, and a chair too, not to speak at all of the heads; but, on further investigation, it appeared that the table, being weak in constitution, sunk under the weight of one of the belligerents, who jumped upon it to assail the other with advantage,--and that the chair had been smashed by coming in contact with the table; the gentleman on the ground having thought it fair to use a chair in his defence when his enemy took to the larger piece of furniture:--hence the awful crash, crash--that awoke me from my--vision. So far well--but further inquiry brought forth further truths. It came out that one of the party had called the other "a beggarly bogtrotter," for which he received in reply a blow upon his nose. Thus the row commenced; but better still, it appeared that _one_ of "the dreadful Irishmen" _was a Welshman_! and that it was _he_ who called poor Paddy "a bogtrotter."