If it had been only spring, or any season less brutal than this winter,
whose severity met him at times with a fresh rebuff and a fresh
surprise--if it had been spring, Antony would have procrastinated, hung
back, unaccustomed as he was to taking quick, decisive action, but the
ugliness of the surroundings at Miss Whitcomb's and the bitter winter
weather forced him to a decision. In the three following days he visited
every one of the few studios that existed at that period in New York.
What were his plans? What were his ideas? But, when he came face to face
with the reality of the matter-of-fact question, he had no plans.
Idealistic, impractical, untried and unschooled, he faced the fact that
he had no plan or idea whatsoever of how to forge his life: he never had
had any and his mother had given him no advice. He wanted to work at
art, but how and where he did not know. Some of the studios could use
models--Fairfax burned at the thought. He could not study as a pupil and
live on air. No one wanted practical workmen.
The man he most wanted to see was Gunner Cedersholm. He had fallen in
love with the works of the Swedish master as he had seen them in
photograph and plaster cast at the exposition in New Orleans. He had
read all the accounts in the papers he could find of the great Swede.
When he learned that Gunner Cedersholm was in Europe and that he should
not be able to see him until spring, poor Antony longed to stow himself
on a ship and follow the artist.
Meanwhile, the insignificant fact that an insignificant piece of
modelling had been accepted by an inadvertent jury and placed in the New
York Academy, began to appear to him ridiculous. He had not ventured to
mention this to any one, and the fact that at his fingers' ends lay
undoubted talent began to seem to him a useless thing as well. The only
moment of balm he knew came to him one afternoon in the Metropolitan
Museum. This museum was at that period sparsely dowered. Fairfax stood
before a plaster figure of Rameses, and for the first time the young
artist saw around him the effigies of an art long perfect, long retained
and long dead.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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