Then, well clothed and happy, the elephant replaced his travelling companions upon his back, and calmly swam the Atlantic Ocean to arrive at the United States of America, where the Aardvark's appearance was destined to cause a stir and tremor in the daily life of every American. CHAPTER 3 "... IT'S A BARGAIN" A warning of the thing to sweep the country shortly was evidenced when the moustachioed elephant Rubin came lumbering through the water in the New York Harbor. People from miles around who got wind of the news (he was a very smelly elephant) rushed to the docks to watch, or climb to the tops of buildings with binoculars. And when Rubin climbed ashore on Ellis Island, the city was thrown into a panic. It seems that Cassius began conferring at once with two of the immigration officers about entrance into the country. This was flatly refused by the officials, who cited a weak clause in the handbook which excluded all uncivilized beings; and anyone could see that Cassius was uncivilized,--whoever heard of wearing lavender earmuffs with an English tweed? When his traveling companions heard this, they were all for hurling the immigration officers head first into ye olde New Yawk Harbor. Right about there is where I came in. Yeah, good old Charlie Smirtz, that's me. I had been waiting on the Island for a shipload of animals from Africa and being a producer of some reknown, saw the latent possibilities in the appearance of these, and I use the term loosely, people. I had just finished a show on Broadway that had run three years and was just getting together an animal circus to tour the country. But when I saw this Aardvark in an English Tweed with a top hat, tie, and ivory-topped cane, a moustached elephant wearing a muffler, and two of the most gawjus dames in the world, I knew that this was something a little unusual. I was sure of it when I saw that the Aardvark was wearing lavender earmuffs. Sauntering casually over to where the Aardvark and his companions were sitting, I introduced myself, and in a low voice related to them the fact that if they would consent to signing a contract, I would personally see that they were inside the country before morning. The Aardvark gives me the cold eye at first and then says, "If you promise, and write it out in this contract that we are not to appear in any sideshow type things, we might consent." Before the fellow could twitch his short brown tail, I had pulled out my Foster pen that writes under water, air, ink, blood, and money, and was writing in the clause he mentioned. Then he signed the contract, and so commenced the partnership of Smirtz, Aardvark, Schwartz, and Rubin, Inc. CHAPTER 4 THE CARBUNCLE VOYAGE