Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
_Bennet has entered_. _Newte is at fireplace_. _The old ladies have
their backs to the door_. _Dr. Freemantle_, _who is pouring out tea_,
_is the first to see him_. _He puts down the teapot_, _staring_. _The
old ladies look round_. _A silence_. _Newte turns_. _Bennet is again
the perfect butler_. _Yesterday would seem to have been wiped out of his
memory_.
BENNET. Good morning, Miss Wetherell. Good morning, Miss Edith. [_To
the two men_] Good morning. I was not aware that breakfast was required
to be any earlier than usual, or I should have had it ready.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We are sure you would, Bennet. But you see,
under the circumstances, we—we hardly liked to trouble you.
BENNET [_he goes about the room_, _putting things to rights_. _He has
rung the bell_. _Some dead flowers he packs on to Newte’s tray_, _the
water he pours into Newte’s slop-basin_]. My duty, Miss Edith, I have
never felt to be a trouble to me.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We know, Bennet. You have always been so
conscientious. But, of course, after what’s happened—[_They are on the
verge of tears again_.]
BENNET [_he is piling up the breakfast things_]. Keziah requested me to
apologise to you for not having heard your bell this morning. She will
be ready to wait upon you in a very few minutes. [_To the Doctor_] You
will find shaving materials, doctor, on your dressing-table.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Oh, thank you.
_Ernest has entered_, _with some wood_; _he is going towards the fire_.
BENNET [_to Ernest_]. Leave the fire for the present. Take away this
tray. [_Ernest takes up the tray_, _and goes out_. _Bennet speaks over
the heads of the Misses Wetherell to Newte_] Breakfast will be ready in
the morning-room, in a quarter of an hour.
NEWTE [_at first puzzled_, _then indignant_, _now breaks out_]. What’s
the little game on here—eh? Yesterday afternoon you were given the
sack—by your mistress, Lady Bantock, with a month’s wages in lieu of
notice—not an hour before you deserved it. What do you mean, going on
like this, as if nothing had happened? Is Lady Bantock to be ignored in
this house as if she didn’t exist—or is she not? [_He brings his fist
down on the table_. _He has been shouting rather than speaking_.] I
want this thing settled!
BENNET. Your bath, Mr. Newte, is quite ready.
NEWTE [_as soon as he can recover speech_]. Never you mind my bath, I
want—
_Vernon has entered_. _He is pale_, _heavy-eyed_, _short in his manner_,
_listless_.
VERNON. Good morning—everybody. Can I have some breakfast, Bennet?
BENNET. In about ten minutes; I will bring it up here. [_He collects
the kettle from the fire as he passes_, _and goes out_.]
VERNON. Thank you. [_He responds mechanically to the kisses of his two
aunts_, _who have risen and come to him_.]
NEWTE. Can I have a word with you?
VERNON. A little later on, if you don’t mind, Mr. Newte. [_He passes
him_.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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