"And I you a happy New Year," responded the Second Blighted Being, with the accent of a penitent accordeon. They then fell upon each other's neck and wept scalding rills down each other's spine in token of their banishment to the Realm of Ineffable Bosh. For one of these accursed creatures was the First of January, and the other the Twenty-fifth of December. The Austere Governor A Governor visiting a State prison was implored by a Convict to pardon him. "What are you in for?" asked the Governor. "I held a high office," the Convict humbly replied, "and sold subordinate appointments." "Then I decline to interfere," said the Governor, with asperity; "a man who abuses his office by making it serve a private end and purvey a personal advantage is unfit to be free. By the way, Mr. Warden," he added to that official, as the Convict slunk away, "in appointing you to this position, I was given to understand that your friends could make the Shikane county delegation to the next State convention solid for--for the present Administration. Was I rightly informed?" "You were, sir." "Very well, then, I will bid you good-day. Please be so good as to appoint my nephew Night Chaplain and Reminder of Mothers and Sisters." Religions of Error Hearing a sound of strife, a Christian in the Orient asked his Dragoman the cause of it. "The Buddhists are cutting Mohammedan throats," the Dragoman replied, with oriental composure. "I did not know," remarked the Christian, with scientific interest, "that that would make so much noise." "The Mohammedans are cutting Buddhist throats, too," added the Dragoman. "It is astonishing," mused the Christian, "how violent and how general are religious animosities. Everywhere in the world the devotees of each local faith abhor the devotees of every other, and abstain from murder only so long as they dare not commit it. And the strangest thing about it is that all religions are erroneous and mischievous excepting mine. Mine, thank God, is true and benign." So saying he visibly smugged and went off to telegraph for a brigade of cutthroats to protect Christian interests. The Penitent Elector A Person belonging to the Society for Passing Resolutions of Respect for the Memory of Deceased Members having died received the customary attention. "Good Heavens!" exclaimed a Sovereign Elector, on hearing the resolutions read, "what a loss to the nation! And to think that I once voted against that angel for Inspector of Gate-latches in Public Squares!" In remorse the Sovereign Elector deprived himself of political influence by learning to read. The Tail of the Sphinx A Dog of a taciturn disposition said to his Tail: