"That is nothing," the Monkey said. And going to a bigger pine, he rose by his own unaided exertions to the top branch, where he sat, all bedaubed with the pitch which that vegetable exudes. "Now," he added, "I am a self-made Monkey." The Patriot and the Banker A Patriot who had taken office poor and retired rich was introduced at a bank where he desired to open an account. "With pleasure," said the Honest Banker; "we shall be glad to do business with you; but first you must make yourself an honest man by restoring what you stole from the Government." "Good heavens!" cried the Patriot; "if I do that, I shall have nothing to deposit with you." "I don't see that," the Honest Banker replied. "We are not the whole American people." "Ah, I understand," said the Patriot, musing. "At what sum do you estimate this bank's proportion of the country's loss by me?" "About a dollar," answered the Honest Banker. And with a proud consciousness of serving his country wisely and well he charged that sum to the account. The Mourning Brothers Observing that he was about to die, an Old Man called his two Sons to his bedside and expounded the situation. "My children," said he, "you have not shown me many marks of respect during my life, but you will attest your sorrow for my death. To him who the longer wears a weed upon his hat in memory of me shall go my entire fortune. I have made a will to that effect." So when the Old Man was dead each of the youths put a weed upon his hat and wore it until he was himself old, when, seeing that neither would give in, they agreed that the younger should leave off his weeds and the elder give him half of the estate. But when the elder applied for the property he found that there had been an Executor! Thus were hypocrisy and obstinacy fitly punished. The Disinterested Arbiter Two Dogs who had been fighting for a bone, without advantage to either, referred their dispute to a Sheep. The Sheep patiently heard their statements, then flung the bone into a pond. "Why did you do that?" said the Dogs. "Because," replied the Sheep, "I am a vegetarian." The Thief and the Honest Man A Thief who had brought a suit against his accomplices to recover his share of the plunder taken from an Honest Man, demanded the Honest Man's attendance at the trial to testify to his loss. But the Honest Man explained that as he was merely the agent of a company of other honest men it was none of his affair; and when the officers came to serve him with a subpoena he hid himself behind his back and wiled away the dragging hours of retirement and inaction by picking his own pockets. The Dutiful Son A Millionaire who had gone to an almshouse to visit his father met a Neighbour there, who was greatly surprised. "What!" said the Neighbour, "you do sometimes visit your father?"