While bathing, Antinous was seen by Minerva, who was so enamoured of his beauty that, all armed as she happened to be, she descended from Olympus to woo him; but, unluckily displaying her shield, with the head of Medusa on it, she had the unhappiness to see the beautiful mortal turn to stone from catching a glimpse of it. She straightway ascended to ask Jove to restore him; but before this could be done a Sculptor and a Critic passed that way and espied him. "This is a very bad Apollo," said the Sculptor: "the chest is too narrow, and one arm is at least a half-inch shorter than the other. The attitude is unnatural, and I may say impossible. Ah! my friend, you should see my statue of Antinous." "In my judgment, the figure," said the Critic, "is tolerably good, though rather Etrurian, but the expression of the face is decidedly Tuscan, and therefore false to nature. By the way, have you read my work on 'The Fallaciousness of the Aspectual in Art'?" The Foolish Woman A Married Woman, whose lover was about to reform by running away, procured a pistol and shot him dead. "Why did you do that, Madam?" inquired a Policeman, sauntering by. "Because," replied the Married Woman, "he was a wicked man, and had purchased a ticket to Chicago." "My sister," said an adjacent Man of God, solemnly, "you cannot stop the wicked from going to Chicago by killing them." Father and Son "My boy," said an aged Father to his fiery and disobedient Son, "a hot temper is the soil of remorse. Promise me that when next you are angry you will count one hundred before you move or speak." No sooner had the Son promised than he received a stinging blow from the paternal walking-stick, and by the time he had counted to seventy-five had the unhappiness to see the old man jump into a waiting cab and whirl away. The Discontented Malefactor A Judge having sentenced a Malefactor to the penitentiary was proceeding to point out to him the disadvantages of crime and the profit of reformation. "Your Honour," said the Malefactor, interrupting, "would you be kind enough to alter my punishment to ten years in the penitentiary and nothing else?" "Why," said the Judge, surprised, "I have given you only three years!" "Yes, I know," assented the Malefactor--"three years' imprisonment and the preaching. If you please, I should like to commute the preaching." A Call to Quit Seeing that his audiences were becoming smaller every Sunday, a Minister of the Gospel broke off in the midst of a sermon, descended the pulpit stairs, and walked on his hands down the central aisle of the church. He then remounted his feet, ascended to the pulpit, and resumed his discourse, making no allusion to the incident. "Now," said he to himself, as he went home, "I shall have, henceforth, a large attendance and no snoring."