"Comrades of the thunder and companions of death, I cannot but regard it as singularly fortunate that we who by conviction and sympathy are designated by nature as the champions of that fairest of her products, the white metal, should also, by a happy chance, be engaged mostly in the business of mining it. Nothing could be more appropriate than that those who from unselfish motives and elevated sentiments are doing battle for the people's rights and interests, should themselves be the chief beneficiaries of success. Therefore, O children of the earthquake and the storm, let us stand shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart, and pocket to pocket!" This speech so pleased the other Members of the convention that, actuated by a magnanimous impulse, they sprang to their feet and left the hall. It was the first time they had ever been known to leave anything having value. The Holy Deacon An Itinerant Preacher who had wrought hard in the moral vineyard for several hours whispered to a Holy Deacon of the local church: "Brother, these people know you, and your active support will bear fruit abundantly. Please pass the plate for me, and you shall have one fourth." The Holy Deacon did so, and putting the money into his pocket waited till the congregation was dismissed and said goodnight. "But the money, brother, the money that you collected!" said the Itinerant Preacher. "Nothing is coming to you," was the reply; "the Adversary has hardened their hearts, and one fourth is all they gave." A Hasty Settlement "Your Honour," said an Attorney, rising, "what is the present status of this case--as far as it has gone?" "I have given a judgment for the residuary legatee under the will," said the Court, "put the costs upon the contestants, decided all questions relating to fees and other charges; and, in short, the estate in litigation has been settled, with all controversies, disputes, misunderstandings, and differences of opinion thereunto appertaining." "Ah, yes, I see," said the Attorney, thoughtfully, "we are making progress--we are getting on famously." "Progress?" echoed the Judge--"progress? Why, sir, the matter is concluded!" "Exactly, exactly; it had to be concluded in order to give relevancy to the motion that I am about to make. Your Honour, I move that the judgment of the Court be set aside and the case reopened." "Upon what ground, sir?" the Judge asked in surprise. "Upon the ground," said the Attorney, "that after paying all fees and expenses of litigation and all charges against the estate there will still be something left." "There may have been an error," said His Honour, thoughtfully--"the Court may have underestimated the value of the estate. The motion is taken under advisement." The Wooden Guns An Artillery Regiment of a State Militia applied to the Governor for wooden guns to practise with. "Those," they explained, "will be cheaper than real ones."