And so the thing kept workin', and all the self-same way; Always somethin' to arg'e, and somethin' sharp to say; And down on us came the neighbors, a couple dozen strong, And lent their kindest sarvice for to help the thing along. And there has been days together--and many a weary week-- We was both of us cross and spunky, and both too proud to speak; And I have been thinkin' and thinkin', the whole of the winter and fall, If I can't live kind with a woman, why, then, I won't at all. And so I have talked with Betsey, and Betsey has talked with me, And we have agreed together that we can't never agree; And what is hers shall be hers, and what is mine shall be mine; And I'll put it in the agreement, and take it to her to sign. Write on the paper, lawyer--the very first paragraph-- Of all the farm and live-stock that she shall have her half; For she has helped to earn it, through many a weary day, And it's nothing more than justice that Betsey has her pay. Give her the house and homestead--a man can thrive and roam; But women are skeery critters, unless they have a home; And I have always determined, and never failed to say, That Betsey never should want a home if I was taken away. There is a little hard money that's drawin' tol'rable pay: A couple of hundred dollars laid by for a rainy day; Safe in the hands of good men, and easy to get at; Put in another clause there, and give her half of that. Yes, I see you smile, Sir, at my givin' her so much; Yes, divorce is cheap, Sir, but I take no stock in such! True and fair I married her, when she was blithe and young; And Betsey was al'ays good to me, exceptin' with her tongue. [ image not found: CarleFarmB-19, CarleFarmB-19 ] Once, when I was young as you, and not so smart, perhaps, For me she mittened a lawyer, and several other chaps; And all of them was flustered, and fairly taken down, And I for a time was counted the luckiest man in town. Once when I had a fever--I won't forget it soon-- I was hot as a basted turkey and crazy as a loon; Never an hour went by me when she was out of sight-- She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me day and night. And if ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean, Her house and kitchen was tidy as any I ever seen; And I don't complain of Betsey, or any of her acts, Exceptin' when we've quarreled, and told each other facts. So draw up the paper, lawyer, and I'll go home to-night, And read the agreement to her, and see if it's all right; And then, in the mornin', I'll sell to a tradin' man I know, And kiss the child that was left to us, and out in the world I'll go. And one thing put in the paper, that first to me didn't occur: That when I am dead at last she'll bring me back to her; And lay me under the maples I planted years ago, When she and I was happy before we quarreled so.