Then Betsey she got her specs from off the mantel-shelf, And read the article over quite softly to herself; Read it by little and little, for her eyes is gettin' old, And lawyers' writin' ain't no print, especially when it's cold. And after she'd read a little she give my arm a touch, And kindly said she was afraid I was 'lowin' her too much; But when she was through she went for me, her face a-streamin' with tears, And kissed me for the first time in over twenty years! "AND KISSED ME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER TWENTY YEARS!" I don't know what you'll think, Sir--I didn't come to inquire-- But I picked up that agreement and stuffed it in the fire; And I told her we'd bury the hatchet alongside of the cow; And we struck an agreement never to have another row. And I told her in the future I wouldn't speak cross or rash If half the crockery in the house was broken all to smash; And she said, in regards to heaven, we'd try and learn its worth By startin' a branch establishment and runnin' it here on earth. And so we sat a-talkin' three-quarters of the night, And opened our hearts to each other until they both grew light; And the days when I was winnin' her away from so many men Was nothin' to that evenin' I courted her over again. Next mornin' an ancient virgin took pains to call on us, Her lamp all trimmed and a-burnin' to kindle another fuss; But when she went to pryin' and openin' of old sores, My Betsey rose politely, and showed her out-of-doors. "MY BETSEY ROSE POLITELY, AND SHOWED HER OUT-OF-DOORS." Since then I don't deny but there's been a word or two; But we've got our eyes wide open, and know just what to do: When one speaks cross the other just meets it with a laugh, And the first one's ready to give up considerable more than half. Maybe you'll think me soft, Sir, a-talkin' in this style, But somehow it does me lots of good to tell it once in a while; And I do it for a compliment--'tis so that you can see That that there written agreement of yours was just the makin' of me. So make out your bill, Mr. Lawyer: don't stop short of an X; Make it more if you want to, for I have got the checks. I'm richer than a National Bank, with all its treasures told, For I've got a wife at home now that's worth her weight in gold. GONE WITH A HANDSOMER MAN. JOHN: I'VE worked in the field all day, a-plowin' the "stony streak;" I've scolded my team till I'm hoarse; I've tramped till my legs are weak; I've choked a dozen swears (so's not to tell Jane fibs) When the plow-p'int struck a stone and the handles punched my ribs. I've put my team in the barn, and rubbed their sweaty coats; I've fed 'em a heap of hay and half a bushel of oats; And to see the way they eat makes me like eatin' feel, And Jane won't say to-night that I don't make out a meal.