And yet the horrible selfishness of the point of view! What right had
she to deny him such little gifts as he might secure from life, which is
so rarely bountiful? His inward life, all its purposes and ambitions,
would be hers, and in a career like his there must inevitably be dark
moments when home comfort and joys, which he had never had, might brace
him to meet his difficulties, and nerve him, by sheer force of reaction,
for future battles.
She looked at Dora critically. Perhaps they had all misjudged her. Her
heart seemed to be set upon her object with absolute determination; and
if she loved Farquharson enough, nothing else mattered. Love was what
he needed—love near at hand, love wrapping him round. The love which
"feels no burthen, gives all for all and is all in all, which watches
and, sleeping, slumbers not, when weary is not tired."
"You love Mr. Farquharson—you want me to understand that you really love
him?" she said at last. "Love is such a big thing, Dora, I often wonder
if girls understand it. Modern men and women take more trouble to
choose a housekeeper than they give to the choice of a life-long
companion. Marriage is all give and take—and there’s more in those
words than you will ever realize until you’ve gone right through the
marriage service, and come out at the other side. It’s a thing of
deadly gravity, marriage, not a mere shifting of responsibility, or the
prospect of a better position, or the escape from home discomfort. You
are one of the lucky people to whom none of these three incentives need
appeal. Oh, Dora, there are so many unhappy marriages in this world,
and I’m so tired of them! Do make up your mind that yours shall be a
beautiful success, not just a brilliant one."
"You always take things so seriously," Dora said tartly. "Of course I
love him. Why should I want to marry him rather than any one else?
It’s not as if he were the only one. I’m only asking you to chaperon me
for this one evening, not a lifetime, and it’s nothing to make such a
fuss about, after all. I never get an opportunity of saying a word to
him without everybody seeing. Even servants may be reporters in
disguise. It makes even me unlike myself; and I know it’s only the fear
of being seen and watched that keeps him from speaking to me. When he
was not so important he used to talk to me quite a lot, and quite
intimately. I remember one night at the Wereminsters’ when he spoke of
you—implied he liked you, but said you weren’t his style, or something
of the sort. For such a man that meant a lot. I’m not a woman to make
confidences, as you know, so I appreciate reserve in others. I’ve come
to you because you’ve seen everything from the first. You’re married,
you’ve got all you want; why can’t you help me by giving me one or two
of the opportunities nobody else in the whole world knows that I long
for?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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