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“Not seriously,” Verrian reassured her. “I’ve had my medicine.”
V.
Continuity is so much the lesson of experience that in the course of a
life by no means long it becomes the instinctive expectation. The event
that has happened will happen again; it will prolong itself in a series
of recurrences by which each one’s episode shares in the unending
history of all. The sense of this is so pervasive that humanity refuses
to accept death itself as final. In the agonized affections, the
shattered hopes, of those who remain, the severed life keeps on
unbrokenly, and when time and reason prevail, at least as to the life
here, the defeated faith appeals for fulfilment to another world, and
the belief of immortality holds against the myriad years in which none
of the numberless dead have made an indisputable sign in witness of it.
The lost limb still reports its sensations to the brain; the fixed
habit mechanically attempts its repetition when the conditions render it
impossible.
Verrian was aware how deeply and absorbingly he had brooded upon the
incident which he had done his utmost to close, when he found himself
expecting an answer of some sort from his unknown correspondent. He
perceived, then, without owning the fact, that he had really hoped for
some protest, some excuse, some extenuation, which in the end would
suffer him to be more merciful. Though he had wished to crush her into
silence, and to forbid her all hope of his forgiveness, he had, in a
manner, not meant to do it. He had kept a secret place in his soul where
the sinner against him could find refuge from his justice, and when this
sanctuary remained unattempted he found himself with a regret that he
had barred the way to it so effectually. The regret was so vague, so
formless, however, that he could tacitly deny it to himself at all
times, and explicitly deny it to his mother at such times as her touch
taught him that it was tangible.
One day, after ten or twelve days had gone by, she asked him, “You
haven’t heard anything more from that girl?”
“What girl?” he returned, as if he did not know; and he frowned. “You
mean the girl that wrote me about my story?”
He continued to frown rather more darkly. “I don’t see how you could
expect me to hear from her, after what I wrote. But, to be categorical,
I haven’t, mother.”
“Oh, of course not. Did you think she would be so easily silenced?”
“I did what I could to crush her into silence.”
“Yes, and you did quite right; I am more and more convinced of that. But
such a very tough young person might have refused to stay crushed. She
might very naturally have got herself into shape again and smoothed out
the creases, at least so far to try some further defence.”
“It seems that she hasn’t,” Verrian said, still darkly, but not so
frowningly.
“I should have fancied,” his mother suggested, “that if she had wanted
to open a correspondence with you--if that was her original object--she
would not have let it drop so easily.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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