_Phrenology_ 221 _The Fairy Curate_ 226 _The Way of Wooing_ 233 _Hongree and Mahry_. _A Recollection of a Surrey 237 Melodrama_ _Etiquette_ 243 _At a Pantomime_ 249 _Haunted_ 253 CAPTAIN REECE. OF all the ships upon the blue, No ship contained a better crew Than that of worthy CAPTAIN REECE, Commanding of _The Mantelpiece_. He was adored by all his men, For worthy CAPTAIN REECE, R.N., Did all that lay within him to Promote the comfort of his crew. If ever they were dull or sad, Their captain danced to them like mad, Or told, to make the time pass by, Droll legends of his infancy. A feather bed had every man, Warm slippers and hot-water can, Brown windsor from the captain’s store, A valet, too, to every four. Did they with thirst in summer burn, Lo, seltzogenes at every turn, And on all very sultry days Cream ices handed round on trays. Then currant wine and ginger pops Stood handily on all the “tops;” And also, with amusement rife, A “Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life.” New volumes came across the sea From MISTER MUDIE’S libraree; _The Times_ and _Saturday Review_ Beguiled the leisure of the crew. Kind-hearted CAPTAIN REECE, R.N., Was quite devoted to his men; In point of fact, good CAPTAIN REECE Beatified _The Mantelpiece_. One summer eve, at half-past ten, He said (addressing all his men): “Come, tell me, please, what I can do To please and gratify my crew. “By any reasonable plan I’ll make you happy if I can; My own convenience count as _nil_: It is my duty, and I will.” Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE (The kindly captain’s coxswain he, A nervous, shy, low-spoken man), He cleared his throat and thus began: “You have a daughter, CAPTAIN REECE, Ten female cousins and a niece, A Ma, if what I’m told is true, Six sisters, and an aunt or two. “Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me, More friendly-like we all should be, If you united of ’em to Unmarried members of the crew. “If you’d ameliorate our life, Let each select from them a wife; And as for nervous me, old pal, Give me your own enchanting gal!” Good CAPTAIN REECE, that worthy man, Debated on his coxswain’s plan: “I quite agree,” he said, “O BILL; It is my duty, and I will. “My daughter, that enchanting gurl, Has just been promised to an Earl, And all my other familee To peers of various degree. “But what are dukes and viscounts to The happiness of all my crew? The word I gave you I’ll fulfil; It is my duty, and I will.