MILITARY WOMAN [_going for the hotel owner_]. I will not allow myself to be fooled. I saw an aëronaut drop from the clouds and go crash upon a roof. I saw a tiger tear a woman to pieces-- PHOTOGRAPHER. I spoiled three films photographing that scamp. You will have to answer for this, sir. I will hold you responsible. TOURIST. An official report! An official report! Such a bare-faced deception. Mary, Jimmie, Aleck, Charlie, call a policeman. HOTEL KEEPER [_drawing back, in despair_]. But, I can't make him fall if he doesn't want to. I did everything in my power, ladies and gentlemen! MILITARY WOMAN. I will not allow it. HOTEL KEEPER. Excuse me. I promise you on my word of honor that the next time he will fall. But he doesn't want to, to-day. UNKNOWN MAN. What's that? What did you say about the next time? HOTEL KEEPER. You shut up there! UNKNOWN MAN. For ten dollars? PASTOR. Pray, what impudence! I just made his peace with heaven when he was in danger of his life. You have heard him threatening to fall on my head, haven't you? And still he is dissatisfied. Adulterer, thief, murderer, coveter of your neighbor's ass-- PHOTOGRAPHER. Ladies and gentlemen, an ass! SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER. Where, where is an ass? PHOTOGRAPHER [_calmed_]. I thought I heard one. SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER. It is you who are an ass. I have become cross-eyed on account of your shouting: "An ass! An ass!" MARY [_wearily_]. Papa, children, look! A policeman is coming. [_Excitement and noise. On one side a crowd pulling a policeman, on the other the hotel keeper; both keep crying: "Excuse me! Excuse me!"_] TOURIST. Policeman, there he is, the fakir, the swindler. PASTOR. Policeman, there he is, the adulterer, the murderer, the coveter of his neighbor's ass-- POLICEMAN. Excuse me, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. We will bring him to his senses in short order and make him confess. HOTEL KEEPER. I can't make him fall if he doesn't want to. POLICEMAN. Hey, you, young man out there! Can you fall or can't you? Confess! UNKNOWN MAN [_sullenly_]. I don't want to fall! VOICES. Aha, he has confessed. What a scoundrel! TALL TOURIST. Write down what I dictate, policeman--"Desiring--for the sake of gain to exploit the sentiment of love of one's neighbor--the sacred feeling--a-a-a--" TOURIST. Listen, children, they are drawing up an official report. What exquisite choice of language! TALL TOURIST. The sacred feeling which-- POLICEMAN [_writing with painful effort, his tongue stuck out_]. Love of one's neighbor--the sacred feeling which-- MARY [_wearily_]. Papa, children, look! An advertisement is coming. [_Enter musicians with trumpets and drums, a man at their head carrying on a long pole a huge placard with the picture of an absolutely bald head, and printed underneath: "I was bald."_] UNKNOWN MAN. Too late. They are drawing up a report here. You had better skidoo!