"Mademoiselle, you spoke justly," I cried in French. "Here is a heart
that only beats to serve you, without seeking, ay, even without
desiring a reward, except that which you must give me of your pleasure
or without, when I shall see upon your face some promise of your
happiness repaired!"
The glance of involuntary horror that she gave me, and the swift
withdrawal of her hand from my embrace, should have warned me of my
fatuous self-betrayal. But there is no limit to the errors of a truly
clever mind astray in seeking to retrieve itself. I thought that I had
angered her in venturing to hint that her disease of sorrow might be
cured.
"Pardon me," I pleaded earnestly, "I have offended you with words. If
any part of me could so offend, that member I would straightaway
destroy."
She looked at me more kindly, and even now I believe that she was
touched by the sincerity and singleness of my devotion.
"Rise, monsieur!" she murmured with an effort. "I thank you for your
sympathy, but it is not seemly that you kneel to me."
I obeyed, and at her nod resumed my chair. She closed her eyes, and for
a long period was deathly still. Her lovely face was extraordinarily
pallid and she scarcely seemed to breathe. Then I thought her in the
throes of reawakened grief for Cavanagh's death, and my pain to watch
her was intense. Now I know that in her silence she was struggling with
herself. Or rather that pity in her, a woman's unfailing pity for a
loving being, however wretchedly unworthy of compassion, was striving
to silence her ideas of duty.
At last her eyes opened and she looked at me. Her regard was
mysteriously wistful, cold, and it seemed to me a little self-ashamed.
Indeed, she faintly blushed.
"Sir William Dagmar does not know that you can speak French!" she
murmured. "You have deceived him, monsieur! That is wrong. I think that
you should go away."
Thrice triple fool I was. Her pity had cajoled her conscience and she
was offering me a chance to escape. I, in my infatuation, only thought
that she chided me for my deceit.
"Ah! mademoiselle," I muttered. "It is true that I deceived him, but
when I did so I was penniless and starving. I pray you from my soul
that you will not bid me leave you nor inform Sir William Dagmar of my
sin."
"You do not wish to go?"
"Mademoiselle!" I cried, "not though it were to Paradise assured!"
She blushed deeply, nevertheless her eyes hardened and she frowned. She
was doubtless thinking--
"He has had his opportunity. His fate henceforth must be upon his own
head! I wash my hands of it!"
I dreamed she was offended at my too ardent gaze. I lowered my eyes at
once in sad humility.
"Stay then!" she said, and her voice assumed a tone of witching
tenderness.
I looked up in quick delight to meet a dazzling smile. With such a
smile Judith lured Holofernes to destruction. But it needed not that
with me; I was destroyed already.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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