duty, during which she followed Julian like a shadow through imagined
wanderings, and watched him committing all those imagined actions that
could cause her to feel the wildest and most inhuman despair.
One night, when she was thus sunk and swallowed up in the maw of
miserable inward contemplation, a young man, who was walking by, observed
her. He was very young and eager, fresh from Cambridge, ardent after the
mysteries and the subtleties of life, as is the fashion of clever modern
youth. The sight of this painted girl leaning, motionless as some doll or
puppet, against the iron shutters of the vacant house, her head drooped,
and her hands, as if the strings to manipulate her had fallen loose from
the grasp that guided them, caught and eventually fascinated him. It was
a late hour of night. He passed on and returned, shooting each time a
devouring, analytical glance upon Cuckoo. Again he came back, walking a
little nearer to the houses. His heart beat quicker as he approached the
puppet. Its complete immobility was almost appalling, and each time he
came within view of it he examined it violently to see if a limb was
displaced. No; one might almost suppose that it was the body of some one
struck dead so suddenly against the shop that she had not had time to
fall, and so remained leaning thus. With shorter and shorter revolutions,
like a dog working itself up to approach some motionless but strange
object, the youth went by Cuckoo, hesitating more and more each time he
came in front of her with strange feelings of one being vaguely criminal.
He longed to touch the puppet, to see if any quiver would convulse its
limbs, any light flicker into its eyes. And he was so fascinated and
interested that at last he did furtively stop precisely in front of it.
For a second both of them were motionless, he from contemplation of the
outward, she of the inward. Then Cuckoo's thoughtful jealousy came to a
ghastly crisis. Her imagination had shown her frightful things and
herself an utterly helpless and compelled spectator. The puppet opened
its red lips to utter a sob, lifted up its white and heavy eyelids to let
loose tears upon its unnaturally bright cheeks, stirred its hanging hands
to clasp them in a crude gesture of dull fury. The youth started as at a
corpse showing suddenly the pangs of life. His movement shot Cuckoo like
a bullet into her real world. Through her tears she saw a man regarding
her. In a flash, old habit brought to her a smile, a turned head of
coquetry, an entreating hand, a hackneyed phrase that reiteration
rendered parrot-like in intonation. The youth shrank back and fled away
in the darkness. Long afterwards that incident haunted him as an epitome
of all the horrors of cruel London.
And Cuckoo, thus roused and deserted, put aside for the moment her
nightmare, and started once more upon her promenade of the night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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