Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; First loves -- Fiction; Ireland -- Fiction
The whole house was brilliantly lit up, and I was shown to a room
already half-filled with boys, who were removing their overcoats,
putting on their dancing shoes, talking and laughing perfectly easily,
just as if the most frightful ordeal were not staring them in the
face. Evidently they all knew each other quite well, whereas I knew
nobody. Owen came up, indeed, and spoke to me, but forsook me almost
immediately, as people were arriving every minute, two or three of
them, I observed, quite grown-up. I wished Owen would come back. When I
saw a boy I knew slightly and heartily disliked, I was ready to welcome
him as the oldest and dearest of friends, but, not being in my solitary
condition, he merely nodded to me, and went over to join a group at
the other side of the room. I was left standing by myself, not knowing
what to do; and all the time fresh guests were arriving, and I felt I
was in the way, but could not summon up courage to make a movement. I
now bitterly regretted having been such a fool as to come. I noticed
several other boys with whom I had a casual acquaintance at school, but
beyond nodding they paid no attention to me, and I became filled with
rage against them and against Owen himself. Then I heard a voice saying
over my shoulder, “If you’re ready you may as well come upstairs.”
It was Owen, and I followed him obediently. I passed a group of boys
loitering outside an open door, and found myself all at once in a
large room. The light at first half-dazzled me. With a heart furiously
beating I was led up to a tall, slight lady in black, who was standing
near the fireplace. This was Owen’s mother. I shook hands with her,
and with his father, and with one of his elder sisters. But when this
was accomplished I was again in that horrible position of not knowing
what to do and being afraid to move. Owen had once more deserted me.
All about me were a crowd of brightly-dressed girls, chattering and
laughing among themselves, and pretending not to look at me. The boys,
with whom I would have liked now to be back again, were hovering near
the door, and I tried to screw up my courage to the point of crossing
the room. Then somebody――I think it was Owen’s sister――gave me a
programme. I stood clasping it tightly in my hand. It seemed to me
now unthinkably idiotic that I should voluntarily have placed myself
in this position of torture, when all I had had to do was to refuse
the invitation and stay at home. At that moment a lady to whom I had
not been introduced spoke to me, though I was too much upset to hear
what she said. She had a pleasant smile, a voice soft and attractive,
and she asked me my name, and told me I must get some partners. Many
of the other boys, I noticed, had begun to ask for dances, and were
scribbling down names in their programmes. My new friend bore me off to
a fair-haired, fair-skinned, demure-looking maiden in a pink, fleecy
dress, and introduced me. Unfortunately, at this point, one of the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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