She was pushed aside. She must do nothing. Yet for over thirty years
she had done everything. Her life had been one long fury of immaculate
housekeeping according to her lights. She had thrown all the fierce
energy of a naturally passionate woman into her dairy and her
store-room. Love had just brushed her, then slipped away; maternity had
never been hers. Religion she regarded as a respectable duty, varied by
the clergyman coming to tea, which was a nervous trial, and meant
getting out the best china. She couldn’t write poems, or lecture, or be
an athlete; every outlet of the emotional woman was denied her by
circumstance or temperament. She had flung herself upon the altar of
good management, and now she was told that good management was not an
art--it was the merest detail in the day’s work of a truly capable
woman.
She said nothing. But there was a constant throbbing and seething in
her aching head, above the turgid eyes. If Pamela could have foreseen,
could have guessed, she might have been more temperate, more gradual.
But she was sublimely unconscious.
On those autumn nights the heavy rain drove down from the hills and
swept the sad common and beat against the thick walls of the farm. The
wind skirled across space, and the cider-press creaked and moaned.
Gainah let the press out to the villagers if they cared to make cider.
They paid her so much an hour for the use of it. This was one of her
economies.
Jethro would sit and sprawl and blink at the fire like a well-fed,
thoroughly satisfied, and sleepy dog after a day in the covers. Now and
again in the course of the evening he would get up, stretch his arms,
shake himself, fling back the doors, and look deep into the black
night. He was such a hearty, open-air being that he seemed to pant at
intervals for draughts of that strong wind down his throat, for an
angry splutter of the shot-like rain in his eyes.
When the wind blew in, Gainah, her back creaking and cold with
rheumatism at the merest draught, would say with acerbity:
“You come from Hartin’, where they have no doors.”
The rustic sarcasm was quite lost on Pamela. She regarded the old woman
as antiquated, dirty, and even slightly half-witted. All her attention
centered on Jethro.
When he walked across the room she watched him slyly. She admired him
very much. He was so big and strong; so independent. The men of her
acquaintance had always been under orders--Government clerks, and so
on. Here was a man, savage in his strength, who had never been in
bondage except to the great Earth. She admired him, but she didn’t love
him yet.
Love! She would never love him; never. She didn’t want to. She prayed
that the acrid taste of Love might never sear her lips again. And
then she thought of the prison. And the cruel wall rose up before her
blinding eyes, and her quick fingers dropped the pencil and caught
nervously at her side.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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