He knew them at once by their general appearance--the man by a peculiar
gesture of raising his hat and wiping his forehead, the lady by the way
she carried her parasol, the stick resting on her shoulder while she
held the point of one of the ribs. And, recognising them he had a
singular light-headed sensation, as though he would presently be
floating dizzily out of his chair, and swept away over the sea.... He
fell back, feeling strangely weary, and dazzling sparks danced before
his fixed gaze like glittering notes of interrogation. What was to be
done? Could he devise some ingenious excuse and try to tempt Frank to
leave the place, to fly? Oh! how small the world was! Was it for this
that they had wandered over the globe, never knowing any rest--to meet,
at their very first halting-place, the two beings he most dreaded? Was
this accident or Fatality? Yes, Fatality! But then--was he really
afraid?
And in his dejection he felt quite sure that he was afraid of nothing;
that he was profoundly indifferent, full of an intolerable weariness of
self-torture. He was too tired to feel alarm; he would wait and see what
would happen. It must come. There was no escape. It was Fatality. It
was rest to sit there, motionless, inert, will-less, with the wide
silver-grey waters before him, waiting for what might happen. To
struggle no more for his own ends, to fear no more, but to wait
patiently and for ever. It must come, like the tide from the ocean; it
must cover him, as the surf covers the sands--and then go down again,
and perhaps drag him with it, drowned and dead. A wave of that flood
would wash over him and stop his breath--and more waves would
follow--endlessly. A senseless tide--a fruitless eternity.
"I wish I did not feel it so acutely," he painfully thought. "It is too
silly to feel it so. Perhaps nothing will come of it, and I shall live
to be a hundred, in peace and contentment. Still, this is undeniable,
this is a fact: they are there! They are here! But--if It were really
coming I should not feel it. Nothing happens but the unexpected. It is
mere nervous weakness, over-tension. Nothing can really matter to me;
nothing matters. The air is lovely and pleasantly soft; there floats a
cloud. And I will just sit still, without fear, quite at my ease. There
they are again!--The seamews fly low.--I will wait, wait.... Those boys
are playing in that boat; what folly! They will have it over!"
He looked with involuntary interest at their antics, and then again at
the gentleman and lady. They were now full in sight, just below him; and
they went past, knowing nothing, without a gesture, like two puppets.
"Ah! but _I_ know," thought he. "They are here, and It has come in their
train perhaps. But it may go away with them too, and be no more than a
threat. So I shall wait; I do not care. If it must come it must."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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