For love and life; vol. 1 of 2Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
For love and life; vol. 1 of 2
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
“But I have spent the half of my hundred pounds,” Edgar was about to
say; but something withheld him; he could not do it. Should he not
furnish the old lawyer by so doing with an unquestionable argument
against himself? Should he not expose his own foolishness, the
foolishness of the man who thought himself able to give up everything
for others, and then could do nothing but run into debt and ruin on his
own account? Edgar could not do it; he resolved rather to struggle on
upon nothing, rather to starve, though that was a figure of speech, than
to put himself so much in anyone’s power; which was pride, no doubt, but
a useful kind of pride, which sometimes keeps an erring man out of
further trouble. He went back at once, and paid his landlord a portion
of what he owed him, and removed his goods to a small upstairs room
which he found he could have cheap, and might have had all the time had
he been wise enough to ask. It was the room in which his own servant had
slept when he travelled with such an appendage; but the new-born pride
which had struggled into existence in Edgar’s mind had no such ignoble
part in it as to afflict him on this account. He was quite happy to go
up to his man’s room, where everything was clean and homely, and felt no
derogation of his personal dignity. Thank Heaven, this was one thing
done at least--a step taken, though nothing could be gained by it, only
something spared.
In the afternoon Mr. Tottenham met him at his club, driving a pair of
handsome horses in a smart phaeton, such a turnout as only a rich man’s
can be, everything about it perfect. Edgar had not indulged in any
luxurious tastes during his own brief reign; it had been perhaps too
short to develop them; but he recognised the perfect appointments of the
vehicle with a half sigh of satisfaction and reminiscence. He did not
say, why should this man be lucky enough to have all this when I have
nothing? as so many people do. He was not given to such comparisons, to
that ceaseless contrast of self with the rest of the world, which is so
common. He half smiled at himself for half sighing over the day when he
too might have had everything that heart could desire, and smiled more
than half at the whimsical thought that he had not taken the good of his
wealth half so much then as he would have done now, had he the chance.
He seemed to himself--knowing how short Edgar Arden’s tenure was--to be
aware of a hundred things which Edgar might have done to amuse and
delight him, which indeed Edgar Arden, knowing nothing of his own short
tenure, and believing life to be very long and much delight awaiting
him, never dreamt of making any haste to procure. A curious sense of
well-being seemed to take hold of him as he bowled along the suburban
roads by Mr. Tottenham’s side, wrapped in one of the fur coats which the
chill and foggy evening made comfortable, watching the long lines of
lamps that twinkled and stretched out like a golden thread, and then
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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