For love and life; vol. 2 of 2Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
For love and life; vol. 2 of 2
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
There is, perhaps, no such crisis in the life of a man as that which
occurs when, for the first time, he feels the welfare and happiness of
another to be involved in his own. A woman is seldom so entirely
detached from ordinary ties of nature as to make this discovery
suddenly, or even to be in the position when such a discovery is
possible. So long as you have but yourself to think of, you may easily
be pardoned for thinking very little of that self, for being careless of
its advantage, and letting favourable opportunities slip through your
fingers; but suppose you find out in a moment, without warning, that
your interests are another’s interests, that to push your own fortune is
to push some one else’s fortune, much dearer to you than yourself; and
that, in short, you are no longer _you_ at all, but the active member of
a double personality--is as startling a sensation as can well be
conceived. This was the idea which Edgar had received into his mind for
the first time, and it was not wonderful that it excited, nay,
intoxicated him, almost beyond his power of self-control. I say for the
first time, though he had been on the eve of asking Gussy Thornleigh to
marry him three years before, and had therefore realised, or thought he
realised, what it would be to enter into such a relationship; but in
those days Edgar was rich, and petted by the world, and his bride would
have been only a delight and honour the more, not anything calling for
sacrifice or effort on his part. He could have given her everything she
desired in the world, without losing a night’s rest, or disturbing a
single habit. Now the case was very different. The new-born pride which
had made him, to his own surprise, so reluctant to apply to anyone for
employment, and so little satisfied to dance attendance on Lord
Newmarch, died at that single blow.
Dance attendance on Lord Newmarch! ask anybody, everybody for work! Yes,
to be sure he would, and never think twice; for had he not now _her_ to
think of? A glow of exhilaration came over him. He had been careless,
indifferent, sluggish, so long as it was himself only that had to be
thought of. Thinking of himself did not suit Edgar; he got sick of the
subject, and detested himself, and felt a hundred pricks of annoyance at
the thought of being a suitor and applicant for patronage, bearing the
scorns of office, and wanting as “patient merit” in a great man’s
ante-room. But now! what did he care for those petty annoyances? Why
should he object, like a pettish child, to ask for what he wanted? It
was for her. He became himself again the moment that the strange and
penetrating sweetness of this suggestion (which he declared to himself
was incredible, yet believed with all his heart) stole into his soul.
This had been what he wanted all along. To have some one to work for,
some one to give him an object in life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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