And it was Stephen who found, unconsciously and quite simply, the shape
and colour of Peter's idea of him. Peter had in reality, nothing at
all to do with it, and had Stephen been a whit more self-conscious the
effect would have been spoiled.
In the first place Peter came quite freshly to the way that Stephen
looked. Stephen expressed nothing, consciously, with his body; it was
wonderful indeed considering its size and strength, the little that he
managed to do with it. His eyes were mild and amiable, his face largely
covered with a deep brown beard, once wildly flowing, now sharply
pointed. He was at least six foot four in height, the breadth of
shoulder was tremendous, but although he knew admirably what to do
with it as a means of conveyance, of sheer physical habit, he had no
conception of the possibilities that it held as the expression of his
soul. That soul was to be found, by those who cared to look for
it, glancing from his eyes, struggling sometimes through the swift
friendliness of his smile--but he gave it no invitation. It all
came, perhaps, from the fact that he treated himself--if anything so
unconscious may be called treatment--as the very simplest creature
alive. The word introspection meant nothing to him whatever, there were
in life certain direct sharp motives and on these he acted. He never
thought of himself or of any one else in terms of complexity; the body
acted simply through certain clear and direct physical laws ... so the
spirit. He loved the woman who had dominated his whole life and one day
he would find her and marry her. He loved Peter as he would love a son
of his own if he possessed one, and he would be at Peter's side so long
as Peter needed him, and would rather be there than anywhere else. For
the rest life was a matter of birth and death, of loving one man and
hating another, of food and drink, and--but this last uncertainly--of
some strange thrill that was stirred in him, at times, by certain sights
and sounds.
He was glad to have been born ... he would be quite ready to die. He did
not question the reason of the one state or the other. For the very fact
that life was so simple and unentangled he clung, with the tenacity and
dumb force of an animal to the things that he had. Peter felt, vaguely,
from time to time, the strength with which Stephen held to him. It was
never expressed in word nor in action but it came leaping sometimes,
like fire, into the midst of their conversation--it was never
tangible--always illusive.
To Peter's progress this simplicity of Stephen was of vast importance.
The boy had now reached an age and a period where emotions, judgments,
partialities, conclusions and surmises were fighting furiously for
dominion. His seven years at Brockett's had been, introspectively, of
little moment. He had been too busy discovering the things that other
people had discovered and written down to think very much about himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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