“Oh!” she said at last, holding his hand very tightly, “I'm sorry, I'm
sorry--”
He had seen, of course, from the beginning that this business must be
told her, but his one desire was to hurry through it, to get it done and
banished, once and for all, from their conversation.
“It happened,” he went on gruffly, “quite suddenly. I wasn't in any way
prepared for it. She just went off to Paris, after leaving a letter.
With the death of the boy and the failure of my book--it just seemed the
last blow--the end.”
“The end--at thirty?” she said softly, almost to herself, “surely,
no--with the pluck that you've got--and the health. What are you going
to do--about it all?”
“To do?” he smiled bitterly. “Do you suppose that I will ask her to come
back to me? Do you suppose that I want her back? No, that's all done
with. All that life's finished.” Then he added slowly, not looking at
her as he spoke--“I'm going to live with my father.”
He remembered, clearly enough, that he had told her many things about
his early life at Scaw House. He knew that she must now, as he flung
that piece of information at her, have recalled to herself all those
things that he had told her. He felt rather than perceived, the
agitation that seized her at those last words of his. Her hand slowly
withdrew from his, it fell back on to her lap and he felt her whole body
draw, as it were, into itself, as though it had come into contact with
some terror, some unexplained alarm.
But she only said:
“And what will you do at home, Peter?”
He answered her with a kind of bravado--“Oh, write, I suppose. I went up
to see the old man yesterday. Changed enormously since the old days. I
found him quite genial, seemed very anxious that I should come. I expect
he's a bit lonely.”
She did not answer this and there was a long awkward pause. He knew, as
they sat there, in troubled silence that his conscience was awake. It
had seemed to be so quiescent through his visit yesterday; it had been
drugged and dimmed all these last restless days. But now it was up
again. He was conscious that it was not, after all, going to be so
easy a thing to abandon all his energies, his militancies, the dominant
vigorous panoply of his soul. He knew as he sat there, that this sick
shadow of a woman would not let him go like that.
He said good-bye to her for the moment, but, as he left the room he knew
that Scaw House would not see him again until he had done everything for
her that there was to be done.
II
That evening he saw the doctor who attended on her. He was a nice young
fellow, intelligent, eager, with a very real individual liking for his
patient. “Ah! she's splendid--brave and plucky beyond anything I've ever
seen; so full of fun that you'd think that she'd an idea that another
three weeks would see her as well as ever again--whereas she knows as
well as I do that another three weeks may easily see her out of the
world altogether!”
“There's no hope then?” asked Peter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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