Grant could describe the location of the nearest (or best-in-Banning)
bar, restaurant, skating rink or lumber yard. He could get rid of the
west-bound, cross-country truck drivers who, preparatory to going to
the bar across the highway for a quick beer, parked their long,
two-sectioned trucks so that the rear section blocked one of our two
driveways. We had one driveway on each side of our sign; they led from
the highway and were the initial source of all our income.
Getting rid of truck drivers was one thing I could never do; and there
had been many occasions during the time Grant was still working at
General Motors, and later, when he was away during the day on business,
that it had been necessary for me to try. I had two approaches, one
stern, the other sweet, which I varied. Actually, I guess I alternated
them, on the theory that last time one hadn't worked, so this time I'd
try the other! My stern approach called forth two general reactions on
the part of the drivers, who were always about to descend from their
puffing, steaming contraptions as I ran up. My tough expression and
sharp, short order to the driver to get his truck away at once!--would
bring forth (a) an amused "Look who's talkin'" smile, and a significant
glance from the lofty perch of the truck seat, at my slender height of
slightly over five feet; or (b) it would kindle an equally warm
response, and I'd find myself showered by abuse, epithets, and threats
from a mouth twisted frighteningly sidewise, full of tobacco juice, and
topping off a frame composed of so much bulging muscle that I'd start
back to the cabin without arguing.
My "sweet" approach was just as unsatisfying. There were two reactions
to it, too, and neither resulted in the removal of the truck.
"I know you don't realize it," I'd say, my voice dripping saccharin,
"but your truck is blocking our driveway. I wonder if you'd mind moving
it?" And I'd smile and flutter my eyelashes.
Either the truck driver would exclaim something like, "Well, hi there,
honey! You just forget about the truck and think about who's drivin'
it. How about givin' me your phone number, honey, so's next time I come
through here--"
Or else he'd reply in a falsetto imitation of my too-sweet voice, "Oh,
dearie me, is that dreat big bad truck really block ing your itsy bitsy
driveway? 'oo just stand there and pout at it while I go get me a itsy
bitsy glass of beer."
Both these types of reply were quite beside the point. Truck drivers
are one breed of men with whom I can't commune.
Grant, of course, never has any trouble with them. Whenever possible, I
watch out the window as he runs up to whatever truck is the offender at
the moment and speaks with the driver a few moments. He smiles, the
driver waves a hand good naturedly, and the truck moves off. I have
never been able to understand how he does it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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