These _verdammte Englaender_ are never what they seem, but are always something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma of the war, and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let us be careful not to lose it. Those who would have us simplify ourselves upon the continental model, and present to the world a picture of sombre seriousness, are asking us to change our national character. Cromwell asked the painter to paint him, "warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us--smiles and all. And who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will see on the pages that follow? [Illustration: Where to Live--[ADVT.] IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF NORTHERN FRANCE. TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT, containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK HOLE (4ft. by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water. This desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an excellent view of the enemy trenches. EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK). --Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.] [Illustration: "Where did that one go to?"] [Illustration: What is this slimy dismal hole Where oft I'm lurking like a mole And cursing Germans heart and soul? My Dug-Out Where is it that beneath the floor The water's rising more and more And where the roof's a broken door? My Dug-Out Where is it that I try to sleep Betwixt alarms, when up I leap And dash through water four feet deep? My Dug-Out Where is it that I'll catch a chill And lose my only quinine pill And probably remain until---- I'm dug out? My Dug-Out My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches.] [Illustration: That Evening Star-shell. "Oh, star of eve, whose tender beam Falls on my spirit's troubled dream." --_Wolfram's Aria in "Tannhaeuser."_] [Illustration: "They've evidently seen me."] [Illustration: Situation Shortly Vacant. In an old-fashioned house in France an opening will shortly occur for a young man, with good prospects of getting a rise.] [Illustration: The Tactless Teuton. A member of the Gravediggers' Corps joking with a private in the Orphans' Battalion, prior to a frontal attack.] [Illustration: "Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it."] [Illustration: Will you be---- mine! A Proposal in Flanders. The point of Jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that shirked.] [Illustration: No Possible Doubt Whatever. Sentry: "'Alt! Who goes there?" He of the Bundle: "You shut yer ---- mouth, or I'll ---- come and knock yer ---- head off!" Sentry: "Pass, friend!"] [Illustration: "Gott strafe this barbed wire."]