I returned home to find a citizen hairdresser playing the devil with my wife’s locks. He had so clipped and twisted them as to give her the air of a person just issued from the bath. Upon my seriously remonstrating against this wild appearance, he very coolly informed me that it was _La Mode_, and unless my pate was better organised it would be impossible for me to go into good company. I immediately submitted to an operation. My tail was instantly amputated and the hair of my unfortunate head frizzled into such a multitude of compound forms as to give me precisely the appearance of one of the ourang outangs which is to be seen over Exeter Change. Having undergone this ceremony, I supposed I was now in the _Mode_. But no! He pulled from his pocket two horrible whiskers, which were to extend from my cheek bones and meet at the bottom of my chin, and another piece of hair which was to be hid under my neckcloth and fly up so as to cover my chin. “What is all this apparatus for?” “To complete you in the Parisian _mode_.” “I will not submit to be made into a baboon.” “But, sir, you must! It is _La Mode_!” “I tell you I will not obey _La Mode_!” “Donc, monsieur, vous êtes perdu!” “If you trouble me with another word on this subject I shall be under the indispensable necessity of knocking you down.” Thus by an act of matchless fortitude I rescued myself from the hands of this prattler, but not till he had extracted from me eighteen shillings for having made my companion look wild, myself like a monkey, and annoyed me with perfumes and gallipots. Before we were allowed to retire to rest a tailor, a hatter and a glover made their appearance. All honest tradesmen in Paris are really to be pitied, a long and sanguinary war has ruined their commerce, and these poor hungry wretches are as voracious as sharks. It is impossible to complain of them. To all these civil gentlemen I returned a plain answer, saying I had brought from England every article necessary for use during my residence in France. On which they retired with great politeness, and left me for the first time in nine years to take repose in the capital of a nation whose former rulers thirsted to shed our blood. IX ATTENDANCE UPON THE MINISTER OF POLICE [Sidenote: THE MINISTER OF POLICE] The following morning my landlord informed me I must at once wait upon the Minister of Police, present my passport and have it ratified. He added that otherwise he might be called to account, as police emissaries called frequently and unexpectedly at every hotel to ascertain the names of the residents.