Gerald was silent for a long time, and she knew that he was gazing at
her as a dog gazes when some inexorable and inexplicable refusal turns
its world to emptiness. And with her pain for his pain came the rising
of old anger and old irony against him; for whose fault was it that even
the bitter joy of perfect freedom was cut off? Who had been so blind as
not to see that a wife must, in common loyalty, bring circumspection and
a careful drawing of limits? Who was it who, in his folly, had not known
that his impulsive acquiescence, his idle acceptance of the established
comfort and order held out to him, had cut away half of their
friendship? Absurd for Gerald, now, to feel reproach and injury. For
when he spoke again it was, though in careful tones, with uncontrollable
reproach. 'You know, Helen, I never expected this. I don't know that I'd
have been able to face this----' He checked himself; already he had
learned something of what was required of him. 'It's like poisoning part
of my life for me.'
Helen did not allow the bitter smile to curl her lips; her inner
rejoinder answered him with: 'Whose fault is it that all my life is
poisoned?'
'After all,' said Gerald, and now with a tremor in his voice, 'an old
friend--a friend like you--a more than sister--is nearer than any new
claims.' She had never heard Gerald's voice break before--for anything
to do with her, at least--and she felt that her cheek whitened in
hearing it; but she was able to answer in the same even tones: 'I don't
think so. No one can be near enough to talk about your wife with you.'
He then turned his back and looked for a long time into the fire. She
guessed that there were tears in his eyes, and that he was fighting with
anger, pain, and amazement, and the knowledge filled her with cruel joy
and with a torturing pity. She longed to tell him that she hated him,
and she longed to put her arms around him and to comfort him--comfort
him because he was going to marry some one else, and must be loyal to
the woman preferred as wife. It was she, however, who first recovered
herself. She got up and pinched a withered flower from the fine azalea
that Franklin Kane had sent her the day before, and, dropping it into
the waste-paper basket, she said at last, very resolutely, 'Come,
Gerald, don't be silly.'
He showed her now the face of a miserable, sulky boy, and Helen, smiling
at him, went on: 'We have a great many other subjects of conversation,
you will recollect. We can still talk about all the things we used to
talk about. Sit down, and don't look like that, or I shall be angry with
you.'
She knew her power over him; it was able to deceive him as to their real
situation, and this was to have obeyed pity, not anger. Half unwillingly
he smiled a little, and, rubbing his hand through his hair and sinking
into a chair, he said: 'Laugh at me if you feel like it; I'm ill-used.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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