'Not of everything,' said Helen, glad really of the small consolation
she could offer him. 'Not of financial safety, as it happens. It will
make you less unhappy to hear, so I must tell you, Franklin is arranging
things with Aunt Grizel so that when she dies I shall come into quite a
nice little bit of money. I shall have no more sordid worries. In that
way you mustn't have me on your conscience.'
Gerald's eyes were on her and they took in this fact of her safety with
no commotion; it was but one--and a lesser--among the many strange facts
he had had to take in. And he forced himself to look squarely at what he
had conceived to be the final impossibility as he asked: 'And--in other
ways?--Could you have fallen in love with him, Helen?'
It was so bad, so inconceivably bad a thing to face, that his relief
was like a joy when Helen answered. 'No, I could never have fallen in
love with dear Franklin. But I cared for him very much, the more, no
doubt, from having ceased to care about love. I felt that he was the
best person, the truest, the dearest, I had ever known, and that we
would make a success of our life together.'
'Yes, yes, of course,' Gerald hastened past her qualifications to the
one liberating fact. 'Two people like you would have had to. But you
didn't love him; you couldn't have come to love him. I haven't robbed
you of a man you could have loved.'
She saw his immense relief. The joy of it was in his eyes and voice; and
the thought of Franklin, of what she had not been able to do for
Franklin, made it bitter to her that because she had not been able to
save Franklin, Gerald should find relief.
'You couldn't have robbed me of him if there'd been any chance of that,'
she said. 'If there had been any chance of my loving Franklin I would
never have let him go. Don't be glad, don't show me that you are
glad--because I didn't love him.'
'I can't help being glad, Helen,' he said.
She leaned her head on her hand, covering her eyes. While he was there,
showing her that he was glad because she had not loved Franklin, she
could not be kind, nor even just to him.
'Helen,' he said, 'I know what you are feeling; but will you listen to
me?' She answered that she would listen to anything he had to say, and
her voice had the leaden tone of impersonal charity.
'Helen,' Gerald said, 'I know how I've blundered. I see everything. But,
with it all, seeing it all, I don't think that you are fair to me. I
don't think it is fair if you can't see that I couldn't have thought of
all these other possibilities--after what you'd told me--the other day.
How could I think of anything, then, but the one thing--that you loved
me and that I loved you, and that, of course, I must set my mistake
right at once, set Althea free and come to you? I was very simple and
very stupid; but I don't think it's fair not to see that I couldn't
believe you'd really repulse me, finally, if you loved me.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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