"My friends," began Jack, standing up and balancing himself on his one leg as well as he could, at the same time speaking with the utmost gravity and candour of expression, "my companion here in _temporary_ distress--for I feel that it will be but temporary--has devolved upon me the interesting duty of making known to you the secret which has burthened his own mind for some time, and which has had so impressive and appropriate an effect upon yours. But first I must request you to lock the door, and hang the key on this nail at my elbow. You hesitate. Why? I am in chains; so is my comrade. We are two; you are four. It is merely a precaution to prevent the possibility of any one entering by stealth, and overhearing what I say." The man with the battered face locked the door, and hung up the key as directed, merely remarking, with a laugh, that we were safe enough anyhow, and that if we were humbugging him it would be worse for us in the long-run. "Come, now, out with yer secret," he added, impatiently. "Certainly," answered Jack, with increased urbanity, at the same time taking down the key, (which caused the four men to start), and gazing at it in a pensive manner. "The secret! Ah! yes. Well, it's a wonderful one. D'you know, my lads, there would not be the most distant chance of your guessing it, if you were to try ever so much?" "Well, but what is it?" cried one of the men, whose curiosity was now excited beyond endurance. "It is this," rejoined Jack, with slow deliberation, "that you four men are--" "Well," they whispered, leaning forward eagerly. "The most outrageous and unmitigated asses we ever saw! Ha! I thought it would surprise you. Bob and I are quite agreed upon it. Pray don't open your eyes too wide, in case you should find it difficult to shut them again. Now, in proof of this great, and to you important truth, let me show you a thing. Do you see this torch," (taking it down), "and that straw?" (lifting up a handful), "Well, you have no idea what an astonishing result will follow the application of the former to the latter--see!" To my horror, and evidently to the dismay of the men, who did not seem to believe that he was in earnest, Jack Brown thrust the blazing torch into the centre of the heap of straw.