Short stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
Doctor Storm looked at Mr. Haymaker as though he were very sorry for
him--an old man long accustomed to his wife’s ways and likely to be
made very unhappy by her untimely end; whereas Mr. Haymaker, though
staring in an almost sculptural way, was really thinking what a farce
it all was, what a dull mixture of error and illusion on the part
of all. Here he was, sixty years of age, weary of all this, of life
really--a man who had never been really happy in all the time that he
had been married; and yet here was his wife, who from conventional
reasons believed that he was or should be, and who on account of
this was serenely happy herself, or nearly so. And this doctor, who
imagined that he was old and weak and therefore in need of this loving
woman’s care and sympathy and understanding! Unconsciously he raised a
deprecating hand.
Also his children, who thought him dependent on her and happy with her;
his servants and her and his friends thinking the same thing, and yet
he really was not. It was all a lie. He was unhappy. Always he had been
unhappy, it seemed, ever since he had been married--for over thirty-one
years now. Never in all that time, for even so much as a single day,
had he ever done anything but long, long, long, in a pale, constrained
way--for what, he scarcely dared think--not to be married any more--to
be free--to be as he was before ever he saw Mrs. Haymaker.
And yet being conventional in mood and training and utterly
domesticated by time and conditions over which he seemed not to have
much control--nature, custom, public opinion, and the like, coming
into play as forces--he had drifted, had not taken any drastic action.
No, he had merely drifted, wondering if time, accident or something
might not interfere and straighten out his life for him, but it never
had. Now weary, old, or rapidly becoming so, he condemned himself for
his inaction. Why hadn’t he done something about it years before?
Why hadn’t he broken it up before it was too late, and saved his own
soul, his longing for life, color? But no, he had not. Why complain so
bitterly now?
All the time the doctor had talked this day before he had wanted to
smile a wry, dry, cynical smile, for in reality he did not want Mrs.
Haymaker to live--or at least at the moment he thought so. He was too
miserably tired of it all. And so now, after nearly twenty-four hours
of the same unhappy thought, sitting by this window looking at a not
distant building which shone faintly in the haze, he ran his fingers
through his hair as he gazed, and sighed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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