American essays -- 19th century; Short stories, American
Has _he_ any call to be a husband, who reads the newspaper from
beginning to end, giving notice of his presence to the weary wife, who
is patiently mending his old coat, only by an occasional “Jupiter!”
which may mean, to the harrowed listener, that we have a President worth
standing in a driving rain, at the tail of a three-mile procession, to
vote for, or--the contrary? and who, after having extracted every
particle of news the paper contains, coolly puts it in one of his many
mysterious pockets, and goes to sleep in his chair?
Has _he_ a call to be a husband, who carries a letter, intended for
his wife, in his pocket for six weeks, and expects any thing short of
“gunpowder tea” for his supper that night?
Has he a call to be a husband, who leaves his wife to blow out the
lamp, and stub her precious little toes while she is navigating for the
bed-post?
Has he a call to be a husband, who tells his wife “to walk on a couple
of blocks and he will overtake her,” and then joins in a hot political
discussion with an opponent, after which, in a fit of absence of mind,
he walks off home, leaving his wife transformed by his perfidy into “a
pillar of salt?”
Has he any call to be a husband, who sits down on his wife’s best
bonnet, or puts her shawl over her shoulders upside down, or wrong side
out at the Opera?
Has he any call to be a husband, who goes “unbeknown” to his wife, to
some wretch of a barber, and parts, for twenty-five cents, with a beard
which she has coaxed from its first infantile sprout, to luxuriant,
full-grown, magnificent, unsurpassable hirsuteness, and then comes home
to her horrified vision a pocket edition of Moses?
Has he any call to be a husband, who kisses his wife only on Saturday
night, when he winds up the clock and pays the grocer, and who never
notices, day by day, the neat dress, and shining bands of hair arranged
to please his stupid milk-and-water-ship?
TO THE LADIES.
A CALL TO BE A WIFE.
Has that woman a call to be a wife, who thinks more of her silk dress
than of her children, and visits her nursery no oftener than once a day?
Has that woman a call to be a wife, who cries for a cashmere shawl when
her husband’s notes are being protested?
Has that woman a call to be a wife, who sits reading the last new novel,
while her husband stands before the glass, vainly trying to pin
together a buttonless shirt-bosom?
Has that woman a call to be a wife, who expects her husband to swallow
diluted coffee, soggy bread, smoky tea, and watery potatoes, six days
out of seven?
Has she a call to be a wife, who keeps her husband standing on one leg a
full hour in the street, while she is saying that interminable “last
word” to some female acquaintance?
Has she a call to be a wife, who flirts with every man she meets, and
reserves her frowns for the home fireside?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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